Hear me Roar - English version

CHAPTER 23 - We die

               Since my arrival in the capital, Robb and I have never corresponded – largely because Cersei prevented it. I hasten to open the letter. My eyes scan it quickly. Once, twice... By the third time, the information reaches my brain. Yet I do not move. I do not even dare look at Tyrion. He might see me as weak as I truly am.

"What does it say?" the dwarf asks me.

               When I try to speak, a sob forms in my throat. I take a moment to close my eyes and regain my composure.

"Theon..." I manage to say. "He... He has taken Winterfell and..."

               Struck by a wave of nausea, I place a hand over my mouth and turn away.

"Theon Greyjoy has executed the two young Starks, my lord," Varys finishes.

"Wasn't Theon loyal to the Starks?" Tyrion questions, just as stunned as I am.

               I thought so too. How could he? We gave everything to Theon: a roof, a family, love. We welcomed the son of a traitor into our home, we treated him as one of our own, and he decided to bite the hand that fed him. We were fools to believe he loved us. I was a fool.

               The Lannister's small hand in mine helps me calm down. It is only when my breathing returns to a normal pace that I straighten up.

"I must go to the North," I announce.

"Diana..."

"There must always be a Stark in Winterfell."

"I understand you, but I need you here to prepare for the battle against Stannis; he will be at our gates at any moment."

               Tyrion is right. Bran and Rickon are dead there, but I am alive here. I must look after Sansa, and I have obligations as Queen. However, inaction gnaws at me from the inside. My own are being slaughtered while I drink wine and read old books on the great sieges of Westeros. I disgust myself.

"We've lost, haven't we?" I say in a small voice. "The Starks have lost the war."

"Your brother wins every battle," Tyrion replies. "I'd say it's quite the opposite."

"Then we must speak of the future: we will lose. Robb is marching so slowly on the capital that he won't have time to turn back and stop Theon."

"My father is in a worse position than you think."

               I thank Tyrion for trying to console me, but we both know Robb will not defeat Tywin Lannister. History proves it: even when the Great Lion of the Rock seems to be losing, he always finds a way to win.

               Determined to join Robb's camp, I leave the room, Tyrion at my heels. It is only once in the stables that I slow down to give him time to catch up.

"You cannot just leave like this," he pleads. "I need you to..."

"To prepare for the siege, I know," I reply, placing the saddle on a white mare's back. "You can manage without me. Varys and Bronn will help you."

"And Sansa? You cannot leave her alone with Joffrey. When he learns of your disappearance, it is her he will punish."

"I am not disappearing. I am the Queen. I fully intend to return. Tell Joffrey that."

"You are the Queen? Then act like it and stay in your capital!"

               I remember quite clearly Baelish telling me the same thing. They all want me to act like a queen, but they only expect me to obey their orders and expectations. That is over.