When I made my way back to Seonghwa's place, I noticed he undid all my packing.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I yelled out.
"I'm sorry, Sun-hee. I wasn't thinking straight last night."
"Oh, well that just excuses everything!" I spat.
"Where'd you just come from?"
"None of your business. If you don't share anything with me, why should I share anything with you?"
"Have you been crying?"
"Just leave me alone."
"Was it because of him or was it because of me?"
I ignored him as I started repacking.
"Tell me, please."
"Both," I mumbled.
"Did I make you cry last night?"
"What do you think? You just randomly kicked me out of your house!"
He looked at me with apologetic eyes. Why was he acting so strange?
"Whatever, I hope things work out for you and your new girl."
"Don't leave, Sun-hee," he pleaded.
"I don't know what the hell you're on but leave me out of it."
"You need to stop San and Jin-ha's wedding."
"No, what I need is some normal people to hang around."
"You love San, so fight for him. You came all the way back for him and now you're just giving up."
"Why do you care so much?"
"Because I just want you to be happy."
"Look, I appreciate the sentiment, but I'll be fine."
"No, it has to be San. I've never seen you smile as brightly as you do with him. Not even with me."
I furrowed my eyebrows at him as he continued to speak.
"Why are you handling the wedding so well? It's like you don't even care about him!" he yelled.
"You smile and you laugh and you hide your face in your hands when you're around him. And now I won't ever get to see any of that again," he rambled.
"What are you talking about? I laugh with you all the time."
"It's not the same. You'll never feel that way towards me."
"Are you trying to tell me that you like me, Seonghwa?" I asked.
His lips quivered before he replied.
"It doesn't matter. I'm not meant to be yours."
"I thought you were a casual kind of guy."
"I am. But, when I think about you, all I want is to be beside you. I want to hold you and take you out and buy you nice things and do all that kind of cheesy stuff and I don't know why. I hate those kinds of things. But, I can't look at you and think anything less of than that kind of life. I can't just be casual with you. I want to mean something. Like San."
His face was drenched with tears as I felt my heart race.
"When did you start feeling this way?"
"That day we went to the beach together in high school. It was the first time I had actually taken the time to watch the sunset. I remember wrapping you in my jacket as you looked up at me. I hated the way you made me feel. It was nerve wrecking. And then when you kissed me it was even more confusing since I knew you were only doing it to get your mind off San. Everything is always about him."
YOU ARE READING
first. | Ateez San
Fanfiction"I don't want to be your first. I want to be your last." In which a small town boy decides he wants to lose his virginity to the school's so-called "slut".
