[credit to antihoneys song "dove-doll ver" for part of this chapter <3] (also, this chapter mentions a lot of self-harm so please be cautious of that)
Time had passed. Sam and Dean visited Cas. They did not really know how to feel about it, or how to be around him. It made them really sad, they knew that much.
But now, Cas was different. (Again.) He was no longer yapping about teeth and all of that. He had lost weight, about 10 pounds give or take, but Meg noticed it. She figured that his grace was mostly gone then, and he was almost human because if he had his grace, he would be a total angel and angels did not need to eat. Cas never complained about being hungry, though.
In this new personality, he was extremely withdrawn and stoic. He made no facial expressions, and never talked to anyone, the only time that he spoken was whenever he was asked a question.
He did not even welcome Sam and Dean as visitors. This worried them, but they respected his space.
Meg taken more notes, and more paperwork was filed about him. He was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder.
She continued to take pictures of him as well. These 3 showed him sitting on the bed with a stern face, looking at nothing. Another 1 showed a picture of him looking out the window. And the final 1 was him sitting cross-legged on his bed, doing nothing.
1 night, Meg was sitting in 1 of the chairs in Castiels room, reading a magazine. Cas was lying in bed, though she did not know if he was sleeping. Apparently not, because at 1 point, he uttered these words very quietly, "Sleep on, dear little angel. Day is young. Water is freezing, don't wake. Night is so deep and slow. Close your eyes. Dream on, dear little angel. In the sky, stars are still fading away. Down here, a dying dove crawls. Sleep on, dear little angel. Day is young. Wish why."
Meg slowly looked up from her magazine. "Cas? What are you saying?" She asked. He did not reply though, so she went over to him. {Damn it, answer me!!} She did not particularly have the patience for him these days.
"Remember when I was so sick? I wish you had believed me." He whispered.
"What? What the hell are you talking about?" She asked, somewhat irritated.
He only replied with a shake of his head and closed his eyes. Meg rolled her eyes and went back to her chair.
In the morning, Cas awoken abruptly. He had that damn red spiral dream again. He awoken with a gasp, quite frightened, as he had not had that dream sense the bunker. "It's coming...Oh God..." "What are you yapping about now?" Meg asked. "Did Sam or Dean tell you about the dream...er...nightmare that I used to have? More like prophecy actually..." "No, Cas. Tell me." "Well, in the dream, I am here, which makes sense, but...well, you obviously know that i was in here before because I taken Sam's hallucinations / cage match scars. But, I am in here for a different reason now..." "Well, duh. you talk about morbid things like ripping out teeth and dying doves crawling on the ground." "No!! You did not let me finish...I am saying something bad is yet to happen to me. Something soon. Something really really bad...awful...dark...twisted...in my dream, I am sitting on the floor. And all of a sudden, there is a sharp pain in my arms. I look down at them and see the drenched in blood from cuts from my angel blade. All kinds of other sharp objects surround me like razors, pencil sharpener blades, knives...after I am done looking at my arms, I look up at the wall and see a red spiral there that I painted with my blood. After that, a creepy looking eye is in the center and it like...talks to me. Finally, I feel an intense amount of pain in my back before I wake up. Same exact dream. Every single time."
Meg did not really know what to say. It was a lot to take in. "So...you believe that this exact thing is going to happen to you soon?"
Cas nodded.
"Are you suicidal?"
Cas shaken his head no.
"And are you harming yourself right now or want to?"
He shaken his head no again.
Meg nodded. "Well, I will take note of all that and the...dream. Thank you."
Sam and Dean stood in front of Castiel's ward D2 door with Meg. "well, boys. Don't expect too much out of the thrice broken angel." Dean scoffed. "Don't worry, we're not." "Hey...wait...is he going to be like this until his candle blows out or what? Does he even have grace anymore?" "He is mostly human I think...kind of hard to tell but yeah...I don't know if he will ever be better." That broken the brothers' hearts. They knew their friend as 1 of the strongest angels in the garrison. Now...he was just broken.
And so, they walked in. "Hey, Cas..." Dean said quietly. Cas slowly turned around and given the 2 Winchesters that soul-piercing stare of his. This felt oddly like deja Vu, but there was no finger-pulling or talk of bees or exploding light bulbs. Just silence. "So..." Sam said awkwardly. "Ya like it in here? Pretty nice set up you have going on."
"How can I make you understand?" Cas said suddenly, spinning around to look at them. They sworn that he looked slightly thinner. {great...here we go again...} Meg thought. "Deep dark forest...bone exposed and I am skinless." Sam and Dean cringed. "I am a lost angel. Sold my soul. They torn at my wings, plucked me feather by feather. Strung up by intestines rotting in the weather. God as their witness, they nailed me to branches, like Christ on the crucifix. Suffocating...I cannot breathe. Lonely little angel. Too dull and ditzy for this world. Used up broken angel. Blood stains on my clipped wings."
No one said anything.
YOU ARE READING
The Red Spiral𖦹
Fanfic𖦹𖦹𖦹 in which Castiel slowly loses his grip on reality. trigger warning for eating disorders, self-harm, and suicide. (my biggest story yet !!)
