The Red Spiral𖦹

𖦹16- ''therapy''𖦹

It was recreational time. Cas was not feeling so well from breakfast this morning. {Perhaps my orange juice was expired...} he thought. ''Ezra...?'' ''Yes?'' ''Are the other patients here nice?'' ''Yes, most of them. Kenji can be a bit cold-shouldered sometimes, but he means well.'' Cas chuckled a bit. ''Well, my good friend Dean once told me that I used to 'have a stick up my ass.' Not in a literal sense, though.'' Ezra raised an eyebrow. ''Oh my.'' ''Yeah...those were the best times...before I became sick...'' He looked a bit sad. ''Hey...you cannot think like that. It will not help.'' Cas nodded. ''Yeah...I guess that you are right.'' He gotten a bit closer to Ezra. ''Um...why do you think I was the only patient at the table with orange juice this morning?'' He whispered. ''Why are you whispering?'' Ezra replied. ''I do not want Elara to hear me. She can read my mind.'' Ezra chuckled a bit. ''No, she cannot.'' Cas gotten a bit mad. ''Are you calling me a lier?!'' Ezra backed off. ''No no...not at all...um...perhaps it is because you are new?'' Cas gotten out of his personnel space and stopped whispering. ''Maybe...'' He said thoughtfully. ''Hey, is Elara the only person who works here?'' Cas asked. ''Kind of? There are others but they just kind of help out...Elara is like the boss and mostly takes care of the patients.'' ''Oh.'' ''Yeah.'' 

Elara came up to Cas. ''It is time for your therapy.'' ''O-ok.'' Cas said. He followed Elara to the other room and looked back at Ezra quickly. ''Good luck.'' Ezra mouthed to him. 

Once in the room, Elara sat down at the desk with Cas across from her. ''So. Your files from Glenwood Springs were transferred here. Your doctor was Meg Masters, right?'' Cas nodded, kind of missing her. ''Your files say that you were diagnosed with schizophrenia, anorexia, bulimia, antisocial personality disorder, and OCD, correct?'' Cas nods again. ''Let's see...red spiral blah blah...attempted suicide blah blah...hmm...what is this Xerces here?''

Cas tensed up and suddenly seemed angry. ''DO NOT MENTION THAT!!'' Elara smirked. ''Clearly, I hit a nerve.'' Cas looked away, ''yes...you did.'' ''Well, you are going to have to talk about it at some point.'' ''No.'' ''Oh, believe me, you will.'' ''I never will!! I...I do not even know how Meg found out about that...I do not care what you do to me...I will never  talk about that.''

Elara smirked. ''And you wonder why you had orange juice for breakfast while everybody else had milk. tsk tsk tsk, you will learn soon enough, Castiel.'' He felt his heart rate rise. ''W-what are you doing to me?!'' ''Relax, nobody is doing anything to you. You must be paranoid again. I see you being friendly with Ezra.'' ''So...?'' ''Oh, nothing.'' Cas was getting frustrated. ''How is this therapy?! Our conversation is just going nowhere or...or in circles!! It is confusing me!!'' ''Jeez...sorry!!'' Elara pretended to look offended. 

''So. What do you think triggered your eating disorders?'' ''I don't know...I guess...whenever I became more and more fallen to the point where I was human enough that I needed to eat, food just...disgusted me. I did not like it. I just felt like if I was small enough, everybody would leave me alone, which is what I wanted.'' Elara nods. ''You tried to kill yourself? Do you really want to die?'' ''No...I just feel like I am too far gone to ever get better or fully recover... plus I do not want to be a burden to Sam and dean anymore.'' Elara nods. 

''Do you want to tell me about the red spiral?'' ''Sure...i guess. Um...basically, there was a glass of water in my room so I drank the water and then I went to the corner and dropped the glass and picked up the biggest piece and went to the other corner and cut my arm deep to draw a lor of blood, enough to paint a good sized red spiral on the wall. It was to protect me. i had to do it. After that, I was on HIGH RISK. Meg had to watch me 24 / 7. Whenever I seen that they cleaned it up, I became irate. Whenever Meg fell asleep, I did it again. They never cleaned it up after that. It turned brown and nasty after a while. I had to get stitches in both arms. So now my arms are scarred as well as my neck. I wish that I had ever gotten this mentally ill...but i guess that is what happens after you have been through what I have...I am jealous of Sam and Dean, in a way, that they are able to stay sane. I have no idea how they do it. But they do not need me. They have hunted many times without me and been just fine. I am just a waste of space.'' ''Hm. Well, ya know, I could always read their minds and confirm if that is true or not.'' ''I do not want to know the truth.'' Elara nods. ''Here. You will take these pills. They will help.'' Cas takes them in his shaking hand, his whole body always shook slightly now. ''I am already on like 5 different medications.'' ''I know. Now take them. I am not asking.'' ''N-No!!'' "YES!!" She went over to Cas and grabbed them from him, about ready to shove them down his throat. ''OK! OK!'' Cas surrendered. He taken them, swallowing them unwillingly. ''H-Happy?'' ''Yes...now begone.'' She said with an awful smirk. Cas slowly gotten up and went back to Ezra quickly. ''Cas? Are you ok? You look kind of pale and sweaty. Sit down,'' He said, concerned. Cas sat down, seeming upset. ''No, Ezra I...do you not see something severely wrong here? This whole place is creepy. They are treating me different. The orange juice. And now 2 random mysterious pills? It is not adding up...maybe it is because...'' ''Because why?''

''Because I am an angel, Ezra.'' Cas replied.