"So what happend?" Sam asked.
Cas felt better wit his IV in, but not 100%. He had many questions. "I am just as confused as you, Sam...Dean...he said that he wanted to talk to me...and then he lied me in the malack box and I gotten scared but he assured me that it was ok...I should have trusted my gut but...he is my friend!! And...then he said a spell and closed the lid...I was going to scream but then I just...went to sleep..."
"What the hell...I am sorry, Cas..."
"No...I am sorry for scratching you...maybe I should just go back to Glenwood Springs...I belong there...I am too sick..." He started digging his fingernails into his arms.
"Hey... let's not do that..." Sam said quietly.
Cas stopped, but he still looked upset.
"Look, I don't care that you scratched me. We all know that I have been hurt way worse. But you do not 'belong' at Glenwood Springs. You should only be there if you want...and you are recovering, ok? Slowly but surely..."
"What do you mean I should only go there if I want? You and Dean literally forced me..."
"I know, and we hated to do it but we had to...you were a danger to us and yourself."
Cas sighed. "It does not matter...nothing matters anymore..."
"Do not talk like that. It does matter, and you will get better, ok? Do you think that we should go talk to Dean now?" Sam asked.
"Yes."
"OK, come on. I will help you up."
Sam grabbed Castiel's arms and slowly helped him up. He was a bit shaky but otherwise fine. They started walking to where Dean was.
Sam looked angry. Cas just seemed scared, upset, and confused.
"Dean...you better have a damn good explanation for this," Sam said.
Dean chuckled a little nervously. "Come on now...it is not what you think."
"Yeah? Then explain why Cas was in the malack box saying that you made him go in there?!"
"He is lying!!"
"I doubt it. Look at him for God's sake."
Cas looked between the 2 of them in fear. "Please...do not fight over something like me..." He said quietly, but nobody heard him.
"Ok, fine, you want the truth, Sam? He is a sick son of a bitch. Perchance he may not even be that much different than the monsters that we hunt and kill, and god forgive me for saying that but he did this to himself!! Just like whenever he taken your hallucinations/cage match scars and was in there yapping about bees!!"
Sam was fuming. He could strangle Dean right now. How could he be so insensitive?! "You do not know shit about mental health, Dean!! That is not the truth!! He is getting better, but you just want to get rid of him so bad that you do not even see it!! He is nothing like what we hunt!! And taking my cage match scars was a whole different ballgame!!"
"Oh, yeah? Well..."
Sam and Dean continued to argue. Cas just stared at the ground, feeling numb and empty. {This is all my fault. It will never end.} He thought. He pulled a small razor out of his trenchcoat pocket. He unhooked his IV. This gotten Sam and Dean's attention. "Cas!! What are you doing?!" Sam exclaimed. "The only way for all of this to end...is for me to die. I am sorry for causing so much turmoil. I will always love you guys. Thank you..." And with that, he took the razor and slid it diagonally across his neck, because he was always quicker when he wanted to be.
A silvery-white spider angel with razors for wings instead of the strong black feathers that once remained.
"CAS, NO!!" Sam and Dean screamed in horror. The world seemed to move in slow motion. He was already lying on the floor, not moving with blood oozing out of his thin white neck, and his eyes open wide and glazed over. They immediately started applying pressure. Castiel's skin felt cold. "He is unconscious!!" Dean exclaimed, tears welling in his eyes. He never cried, but this was his best friend. And he very much regretted the whole thing wit the malack box. "W-we don't have time for a spell or anything. I am calling 911." Sam gotten out his phone wit trembling hands and called it. "911 what is your emergency?" "My friend just slit his neck wit a razor!! Please come quick!!" "OK, what is your address" "We are in a bunker but you should be able to tell from my phone!!" "Alright...units will be there in about 5 minnets." "Ok, bye." Sam hung up. "Cas does not have 5 minnets!!" Dean exclaimed, crying now. "Damn I wish that he was not so weak and was still an angel so that he could heal himself..." Sam said quietly, looking sad. "This is all my fault." Dean sobbed. They tried to make him as comfortable as they could. Finally, the paramedics arrived.
Sam and Dean could tell that they were surprised about how skinny he was and the IV nearby. Blood was everywhere and the razor was nearby. They kicked it away. They started doing CPR And running lines of things in his arms. Sam and Dean could hardly stand to watch, their hearts thudding.
Eventually, they gotten Cas to wake up. Sam and Dean were relived, but he was not out of the woods yet. He still needed stitches on his neck, and they knew that he was going back to the mental hospital, a stricter hospital, not Glenwood Springs. They would have to call Meg.
While the ambulance taken Cas to the hospital, Sam and Dean rode in the impala, following the ambulance.
They did not say much. They did not play music. Just sat in anxious silence.
Finally, Dean spoken. "Why, Sammy? Why must things be this way? Everything was fine like 2 years ago and now...this. We have been through hell. We have faced Lucifer. We lost our mother. But somehow, this is almost worse. It is so fucking draining. I just don't know what to do anymore..."
Sam said nothing.
YOU ARE READING
The Red Spiral𖦹
Fanfic𖦹𖦹𖦹 in which Castiel slowly loses his grip on reality. trigger warning for eating disorders, self-harm, and suicide. (my biggest story yet !!)