Cranes in the Sky - Solange
Flashback
It was that time of the week again.
Dearra sat in the silent car, contemplating if she was going to enter the building or not. The bold letters rested on the building reading, Counseling Services.
As much as she needed professional help, it was hard opening up and admitting the details of her life to a stranger. Although the sessions were supposed to be judgment free, how could a doctor not subconsciously be judging the clients and their fucked up lives.
Dearra met with Dr. Leu every single Thursday, and she hasn't missed an appointment yet. Looking down at the clock on the screen, the time read 11:58, and her session was scheduled for noon. Gathering her belongings, she left the car and walked to the tall, glass doors. The building reeked of luxury and money. After all, she was paying upwards $300 for a single session.
Waiting outside the door stood the female doctor with short, brunette hair. She wore a white cardigan with black slacks. Very professional.
Dearra and her shared a smile as they entered the office. Dearra took her assigned seat on the couch and the Dr. Leu sat on the spinning chair.
"Ms. Taylor, nice to see you again." The doctor said with a friendly tone and smile.
"Same here." Dearra replied, getting comfortable since she would be here for a while.
"After our last session, I would like to know more about your ex boyfriend, if that's okay."
Dearra's body stiffened and the doctor noted that in her yellow notebook. "Um, we were together for five years, so we met when I was 19, 20-"
Dearra was cut off, "Did you date anyone before him?" Dr. Leu quickly asked.
"No, he was my first love. I didn't focus on relationships in high school, I barely talked to anyone honestly. I met him through a mutual friend, and we started dating. Around our fourth year everything started to feel weird. I went through his phone and he had been cheating on me. Because of this I started to feel insecure and like.. Almost like I wasn't enough, you know?" The doctor nodded her head, leading Dearra to continue.
"Like a naive girl, I stayed because he said he wouldn't do it again. But he did keep doing it, he just got a little better at hiding it, but I found out, and we broke up. He told me he should've been left me and some other hurtful stuff." Dearra didn't realize it, but her arms were wrapped securely around her body, the doctor noted that she did this to protect herself.
"It sounds like everything started off good, but went downhill. How did you deal with the stress and emotions you felt after?" The doctor questioned with her head slightly tilted.
"I started to completely avoid men entirely. Klay was the first guy I took seriously after an entire year. I just wanted to be around family and platonic friends only." She expressed.
"Right, so you started to develop coping and defense mechanisms of avoidance, dissociation, and repression. You in a way remove yourself from any situation dealing with men on a romantic level and this would resist memories of your ex recurring. After everything I've learned about you, your ex, and Klay– I think you've developed a rational fear of intimacy.
You're afraid to be abandoned again, as you were with your ex. You seem to be very inconsistent with your feelings towards people who care about you. For example, you really enjoy spending time with Klay one day and you're super loving, but the next you go ghost. I've also noticed that you wear a facade, you feel that everything has to be perfect. Your career could be to blame for this. I think you self-sabotaged your relationship with Klay, simply because you were scared."
Dearra sat listening as the doctor read her for filth. Every detail aligned with her mindset perfectly, and it was almost scary.
"I'm just scared to get into another relationship and give everything I have for me to be done wrong again, or them leave whenever it's convenient for them." Dearra explained to the doctor, while squeezing the stress ball.
"That's something we'll work on in the sessions to come. I think your last relationship made you very fearful, because he was your first love, you were young, and infidelity is horrible."
"I agree. Doc, be honest. Do you think I have another chance with Klay?"
Dr. Leu pushed her glasses up before replying, "Dearra, I honestly have no idea, that's a bit past my education and capabilities. It all truly depends on him, and how bad he's hurt from this entire situation. I do urge you to speak to him, please. For me. Let him know what we've been talking about and how you're getting help now. If that's not enough, you get up, and never look back."
The therapy session continued for a while longer before the hour and thirty minutes was complete. In Dearra's opinion, this was the best session she'd had yet. Dr. Leu had told her a lot of things she needed to hear and actually verbally talk about. Her doctor made her realize that her feelings weren't invalid, and everything she was feeling was the consequence of life and its actions.
Dearra waved bye to the doctor, and left the cold building. Before continuing to her car, she stopped in her tracks and looked around. Life felt a little lighter right now. She didn't feel like her every move or decision was wrong anymore.
Although there was still a lot more help she needed, she was fine for right now. Dearra quickly made a mental note to reach out to Klay soon. Not today, or tomorrow, and probably not next week, but she would eventually and that counts right?
Just as she prepared to play Apple music, she received a call from her mother. Dearra seriously needed to catch her mother up in life. So the mother, daughter duo did just that. Before they knew it, they had shared the last month of their life together.
Dearra learned that her mother met someone new, that she wanted her to meet. This filled her with happiness for her mother, and she was excited to meet the special guy. In return, Dearra told her mom about her chaotic life. The conversation switched tones a million times, laughs were shared, and voice cracks were heard.
I wrote this chapter, so people could understand the sudden switch up from Dearra. Hopefully this allows you to understand her characters complex mind a bit more. Thanks for reading.. 🤍
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The Influence | Dearra Taylor
Storie d'amoreThe journey of two different individuals as they navigate the world of social media fame and professional basketball in, "The Influence." Dearra Taylor x Klay Thompson