Mirror, Mirror

3.03 Late-Night Conversations

They had more late-night conversations, each night. They were mostly about their life, getting to know one another's stories. What each person thought about and wanted. They talked about relationships, education, politics, family, and on a couple rare occasions, sex.

This time, they talked about their parents as they got ready for bed.

"Well, all my parents are either dead or M.I.A.," Starla said. "Aaand I hate my dad. Er, the King. Whatever."

"You hate the King? I never would have guessed," Rayvin chuckled. "Just kidding. I don't think I've witnessed a single positive interaction between you two."

"Yeah, because he's an ASS," Starla said grumpily. She finished tucking into her sleeping bag before speaking again. "We used to be close. He would sing to me and play his guitar, and I'd dance and sing along with him. Can you imagine?"

"Not really, but I know he used to be a famous musician before our time," Rayvin said, shuffling into his own sleeping bag. "I'm sorry he ended up being so absent from your life as you got older. It sounds like that was really painful for you."

"It's fine..." Starla lied, trying to laugh it off. "It was a long time ago anyway. He's been pretty cold ever since. The only nice thing he's done since then was expel Ri-Yu from the Winter Palace Academy. And I guess he didn't care that much if he was fine with her staying with us again."

"Woah. Ri-Yu was a student at the Academy? And she was expelled?" Rayvin asked. "Why?"

"She was involved in an incident," Starla said evasively. She shook her head to clear thoughts of that day from her mind. She was frustrated for bringing Ri-Yu up yet again.

"I... see," Rayvin said. Silence descended. Starla heard him inhale softly a couple times, as if he was about to say something then thought better of it. She could practically hear the gears turning in his brain.

"What are your parents like?" Starla asked finally, changing the subject before it could get too uncomfortable. "I feel like I don't know anything about them."

"Oh uhh... Well, my dad does accounting, so he's like, smart smart. He taught me how to write and do basic math. My siblings weren't really into writing or nerd stuff like that. They were more into sports," Rayvin said. "So I feel like that was the one thing we really bonded over, since he was excited that one of his kids was interested in desk work like him."

"That's cool," Starla said, jealously trying to imagine the King being interested in teaching her anything. "Are you close to your dad?"

"Not really, he's kind of a quiet, reclusive guy," Rayvin laughed. "Actually, I'm a lot more of a mama's boy."

"Oh yeah?" Starla smiled. For some reason, that didn't surprise her. It was endearing to think about.

"Yeah, my mom is a stay-home mom. She just took care of us. She's kind, hard-working, and smart, in a different way," Rayvin said. "Everyone loves her. And when I first came out as queer, she was my biggest champion. She would throw hands at any of the parents of kids who picked on me."

"That's so sweet," Starla said, trying to picture this fierce and loving woman who had raised such a gentle and kind son.

"Yeah, she's the best," Rayvin said. "I can't wait to see her once all of this is over. I've been sending my family letters, but only my dad reads. So, it's not the same as talking to my mom directly."

"Of course," Starla said, wondering what it must be like to have parents to miss. She supposed she would miss Poppy and Riv if she was away from them for an entire year. They were her family after all, even if they were fighting. "It sounds like you haven't seen them in a long time."

"Yeah, I haven't," Rayvin sighed. "I miss them."

Starla hesitated, then asked what she'd been wondering for a while now, "Can I ask if your parents knew you were trans?"

"They didn't," Rayvin replied quietly. "I came out to them in the last letter I sent to them. I know the news about me being trans will spread, and I wanted them to learn about it from me first, not from gossip..."

"Wait— Did the King stop you from visiting them?" Starla asked indignantly. "If he did, I swear..."

"No, no!" Rayvin said, sounding a bit guilty. "I thought about visiting them! I definitely should have. I guess I felt like, if I visited them, I'd have to come out to them because there would be questions about my voice and how I look different and— ah!! Not that I don't think they'd accept me. It's just... awkward. I guess I was putting off visiting them because— this is the first time I've had space from them to figure out who I really am. I feel bad for saying that though."

"Don't feel too bad!" Starla reassured him. "Family is complicated. You can love them and need space and time from them too. And you've been dealing with so much at the palace too with your destiny and all that... I'm sure they understand."

"Thanks Starla," Rayvin said. He took a deep breath, then exhaled. "My mom's also the one who... knew my secret. And helped me hide it for as long as possible so they couldn't take me away."

"Your secret?" Starla asked, confused.

"My ice powers," Rayvin clarified. "When my powers started coming in, my mom told me to hide them. We both didn't quite understand what it meant at the time, but my mom seemed to guess it would be bad if others found out."

"You had to hide your magic?" Starla asked softly. "All those years?"

"My mom made me hide it to keep me safe," Rayvin said defensively. "It was a necessary thing. I'm grateful she cared so much about me and wanted to protect me."

"Of course," Starla blinked. "I didn't mean to say anything about you or your mom's decision to hide your power. I only meant— was it hard? Keeping that part of yourself a secret?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Rayvin said, deflating a bit. "Sorry, I didn't mean to get defensive. I thought you were implying that my mom... never mind. Yeah. It was hard hiding my power. I wonder if I would've figured out I was trans sooner if...." He trailed off. Starla waited for him to keep speaking.

"It's like—," Rayvin continued, "I was so busy hiding one part of myself, that I didn't even notice I was hiding another part of myself too. In a weird way, becoming the Ice Princess helped me figure out I was a man. Ha."

"Well, you becoming Ice Princess helped me figure out who I was too," Starla said. "Or, start figuring out. I still don't know who I am really, but I can at least cross magical princess off the list."

"You're Starla!" Rayvin said. "Maybe that's all you need to know for now. And the rest will come later."

"I like that," Starla said with a smile. She couldn't see Rayvin's face in the dark, but she thought she could hear the smile in his voice. "Alright, alright, we should probably actually sleep."

"Yeah, yeah," Rayvin said, and she heard him yawn. "Thank you, Starla. And ah— if you ever feel like talking about the stuff that happened with Ri-Yu, I'm happy to listen. Whenever you're ready."

Starla didn't respond.

"Starla?" Rayvin asked after a beat. "Did you fall asleep on me?"

"Thank you, Rayvin," Starla said into the darkness, blinking away a silent tear. "I think I'd like that."

"I'll see you in the morning. Good night, Starla."

"Good night, Rayvin."