Mirror, Mirror

3.14 World Alone

READ THIS COMMENT FOR CONTENT WARNINGS

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Starla didn't remember falling asleep, but when she woke up, her hand was entwined in Rayvin's, confirming to her relief that it wasn't, in fact, a dream. Last night really had happened.

She knew she should wake him. It wasn't quite morning yet, but it would be soon, and every precious moment of daylight they weren't spending traveling was another moment the world could be in danger.

But she was afraid that the moment he woke up, the fantasy would evaporate. Things felt magical in the mystery of the night, hidden in the dark, where they wouldn't have to confront the reality of their actions.

But in the light of day? Would he realize his attraction to her was just the confusion of hormones? Would he discover that what he felt for her was an infatuation driven by the rather thrilling but temporary nature of their circumstances? Was she just a passing crush?

Was he?

And what if it what she felt for him was a passing crush? They were basically stuck together for the rest of the foreseeable future. This—whatever it was between them—could make things so complicated if they didn't work out.

She tightened her grip around his fingers, as if that would let her hang on to the magic of last night a little longer.

She realized she'd fallen asleep again when she awoke to him sleepily kissing her throat and warmth spreading between her thighs.

"Sleeping beauty rises," Rayvin said with a smirk. He was standing by the bed, leaning over her.

"Prince Charming has aroused her," she snorted, shoving him away from her. She took great pleasure from his flustered spluttering at that.

"Shit, what time is it?" she said, realizing he was fully clothed and armed. According to the clock on the dresser it was nearly noon. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"You needed to rest. Don't worry, I already packed," he reassured her as she scrambled out of bed in a panic. Where were her clothes?

"Your clothes are right here," Rayvin said meekly, probably sensing her stress. "And I brought you breakfast too."

They could still make it on time. If they left right now and traveled through the night... if they pushed a little harder and went a little faster than they had been— and they could now that she and Rayvin were all recovered! Maybe they should risk the shortcut across through that one patch of forest on the map...

"Um, should we talk about last night?" Rayvin asked tentatively behind her, interrupting her frenzy of thoughts and her haphazard effort to unbraid and re-braid her hideous tangle of hair. She took a deep breath and turned to him. His brow was tense with worry.

"Yes," she said sincerely. "I promise, we will." She closed the space between them and took his hands, like she'd always wanted to. He seemed to relax. Understanding passed between them.

"But for now, we need to focus," he finished, and put his forehead against hers. "OK."

And then, after goodbyes and thank yous to the Fox and their family, they were warriors again, moving swiftly and precisely as they traveled north. Except things were different now. They shared things. A soft glance. A brush of fingers. A kiss. And at night, without question, a sleeping roll.

Thanks to the exhaustion of hard travel and a tacit agreement to focus, they resisted sharing bodies again like they did that night at the inn, but the things they did share held a quiet promise. And trust.

Trust that when this was all over, they'd have all the time they needed to explore what burned between them in the middle of this bitter, frozen world.

❖

The last week of their journey was a blur. They didn't speak much about that night at the inn. There was a quiet agreement to save the world first and figure shit out later.

It's not that they didn't want to talk about it. It wasn't taboo or anything. It was just... so fragile in a world where things were so uncertain. To put a name on it, when they weren't sure whether they'd both make it out of this alive, seemed just seemed rash.

But still... something burned between them. They were focused at the task at hand, of course. But in those in between moments, their fingers slipped into one another's, or they stole a quick frosty kiss. Sometimes, Rayvin would give Starla his coat, knowing she less immune to the cold than him.

They knew better than to mess around this close to a big job, but that didn't stop them from sharing a sleeping bag together, holding each other like the world was going to end. Starla supposed the world WAS going to end, for all she knew.

It was the night before they reached the top of the world that she finally brought it up. They were cuddling, limbs entangled. Cuddling became kissing, and kissing led to Starla wanting more.

They knew they shouldn't, but they did it anyway. If nothing else, then to warm themselves up. And as Starla was soaring into bliss, she began to cry.

Rayvin asked why she was crying, and she said she didn't know. So, he held her and soothed her and told her everything would be OK.

Later on, Starla spoke up again.

"I think I'm crying because I love you, and I'm afraid of what tomorrow might bring," Starla said. "I'm scared because you don't want to talk about it, but if we don't talk about it now, then we may never get the chance to."

"Hey, let's talk then," Rayvin said gently, and she felt his love in the way he held her.

So they talked. They talked about what the future would look like with them. It almost seemed like a foolish fairytale, talking about how things might be after they save the world. As if they dare hope that things could work out.

"Starla, I want you to know that I want to be with you," Rayvin said seriously. "We're better together. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. You're the one thing that makes sense. Let's get through this and come out the other side."

"To the future," Starla said.

And they fell asleep together.

The next day, the finished the last of their journey and made it to the their destination: the top of the world. They stood at the mouth of the cave, looking back to see how far they'd come. The clouds shrouded everything. They couldn't see much of what they'd left behind.

"It's my birthday," Starla said out into the cold nothingness. "Which means it's your birthday too. Kinda."

"Yeah, I guess. Happy birthday," Rayvin laughed. "I don't really celebrate my birthday. Are you a big birthday person? Wow, I realized as soon as I said it that that was a dumb question."

"The dumbest," Starla said, taking on a mock mean girl voice. "Everyone knows it's the most important day of the year, when everyone celebrates me.

"Of course," Rayvin said with exaggerated seriousness. "A ball is required, at minimum. And all the napkins have to match the cake, or else someone's getting fired."

"I don't tolerate mediocrity on my birthday," Starla agreed sternly. They both burst into laughter.

"I promise to give you the best birthday ball ever when all this is done," Rayvin said, pulling Starla into arms. "OK?" When. He'd said when.

"OK," Starla said, feeling unexpectedly emotional. Rayvin kissed her forehead. They stood there for a long time in each other's arms, just two people alone at the top of the world.

"Are you ready?" Rayvin said after a while.

Starla took a deep breath.

"I'm ready," she said.

She reached her hand out toward Rayvin. He took it. They stepped into the cave together.