Mirror, Mirror

3.20 Forgiveness

Poppy and Riv were the first to visit Starla when she was awake. She and Riv entered the med bay, and they both sat on the bed next to Starla, the one that Rayvin had left now that he had healed enough.

"Starla," Poppy said, eyes bloodshot and puffy with poor sleep and tears. She didn't meet Starla's eyes.

"Poppy," Starla said when she saw her for the first time. "Before you say anything— I'm so, so sorry. You've been nothing but my biggest support over the years, and I haven't given you the appreciation you deserve. You were right about Ri-Yu. You were right about everything, and I was too scared to see how much you all care about me. The things I've said were... awful. I'm sorry. You too, Riv. I'll be better. I'm sorry it took so long for me to say that, and I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. But I need you two, and I love you."

"We love you too, Star," Poppy said, taking Starla's hand and sitting on her bedside. "Thank you for saying that though. It means a lot."

"We're just glad you're OK," Rivero said, wiping his eyes. He sat next to his sister and reached to take Starla's other hand.

"Are we OK then?" Starla asked mildly. "I promise I'll be better."

"Yeah, we're OK," Poppy said gently. "Just focus on getting better. We can talk about it more then."

"Can we hug it out?" Starla asked shyly. "Your mom would want us to."

Poppy smiled, Riv rolled his eyes, and the three of them all hugged.

❖

When Crystallia came, Starla had to tell her about her sister.

"I saw your sister," Starla said. "When I was... connected to the Ice Crown."

"Oh my goodness," Crystallia said. "What did she say? Is she... OK?"

"She is OK now," Starla said. "We had a chat that I think she really needed. She said she misses you and loves you."

"Thank you for telling me," Crystallia said. Her eyes were wet.

"Of course," Starla said, taking her hand and letting her cry for her dead sister.

❖

Eventually, the King took time to see Starla as well.

"You look like you're healing well," the King said. "You should be on your feet in no time."

"I hope so," Starla said. She wasn't sure what the King wanted from her.

"I wanted to say that I am sorry," the King said, pulling from behind his back a vase of flowers with sweets tied to them and setting them on her bedstand. "And thank you." Starla stared at the flowers for a long time, then at him, wordlessly.

"I hope you know that it will be a long time before I can forgive you, and bringing me gifts won't change that," Starla said slowly.

"I understand," the King said, looking at his feet. He looked... almost pitiful.

"But, I appreciate that you are trying to change," Starla continued. All this time, she wanted the King to throw himself at her feet and tell him how sorry he was and how perfect she was. She thought that would make everything better.

But she realized what she really needed was time. She no longer cared what he thought of her. She was no longer his disappointment. She was her own person.

"I know I have not been a good father to you, or a guardian of any kind," the King said toward his feet. "I hope that we can start over. If you want to."

"I want to start over too," Starla said. "Let's talk again later. When I'm feeling better."

"OK," the King said, hesitating. "Is there anything I can do now for you?"

"No, I think I'm good," Starla said, ready to be done talking to him. He nodded, looking disappointed, and began to back out of the room.

"Wait," Starla said, and the King stopped and turned to look at her. "Actually... there is something. There's a girl named Cinderetta whose dream is to become a runner, but she needs a scholarship. Do you think you could...?"

"I can make it happen," the King nodded. "I'll make it happen, Starla."

"Thanks, Dad," Starla said.

❖

Starla was finally well enough to leave the med bay, so she was in her room now, going through her mail, which Rayvin had kindly brought her. One letter she opened said "Get Well Soon" in delicate golden calligraphy.

"This can go in the trash," Starla said with annoyance, tossing it.

"What?" Rayvin said, stooping to catch it before it fell to the floor.

"It's from my Ri-Yu," Starla explained.

"Woah, really? It isn't signed though," Rayvin said, carefully studying Starla's face to gage her reaction. "That's nice of her I guess..."

"I can tell by the handwriting," Starla said, already moving on to the next stack of mail. "And no, it's not nice. If she really cared about my well-being, she wouldn't just contact me when I'm at my lowest, like she always does."

"I see," Rayvin said. "Um. You're not still thinking about her, are you? After what she did..."

Starla frowned put down the mail she was reading through and looked up at him, frowning. He was being serious, she realized.

"No," she said honestly. "Not even a little bit."

Rayvin took her hand and kissed it.