Mirror, Mirror

3.17 Mama

Starla had a lot of feelings about Queen Frostine, some good, a lot bad. But if there was one thing she knew about the late queen after religiously reading her letters, it was that she wanted to do the right thing, and she cared about her daughter. Or at least, the person she thought was her daughter.

She finally found the Queen on the top floor of the library, looking out the window at the snow, quietly murmuring something to herself. She was the same age she would've been when she'd died. She wore a maroon gown. Starla knew it was her. She just knew.

When she got closer, she could make out the words the queen was saying.

"I'm sorry, Rayna, I'm sorry Crys, I'm sorry, Han. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She kept repeating it fervently, staring out with a glassy look in her eyes.

Starla put a gentle hand on Frostine's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Rayna, I'm sorry— Rayna?" she turned to look at Starla, and her glassy eyes came into focus.

"Yes, it's me, your... your daughter," Starla said gently, playing along without thinking, following her gut instinct. The queen sobbed and pulled Starla into her arms. Starla felt herself tear up. This was the reunion she had imagined in her head with the mother she never had in her real life. It felt... nice.

"I almost thought you would never come," the Queen said. "I am so happy you are here. I need to tell you something."

"I'm happy too, mother," Starla said, then added urgently. "But I need your help—"

"No, you need to listen. I need to tell you how sorry I am for sending you away. I thought I was saving you, but I regretted it the moment it was too late for me to do anything. And then I was dead. And the girl who took your place, I ruined her life too. I ruined everything, just like my father said I would if I didn't listen to him. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you, and I want to tell you I love you," the Queen said, collapsing to her knees. "I just wanted to be a good mother."

Starla was at a loss for words. She knelt down next to the Queen.

"Hey, it's OK, Mama," Starla said, and she felt young again.

"It's not OK, what I did. But... look at you," Frostine said. "You're strong. You're smart. I can just tell. You're everything I was but better because you are you."

Oh. Now Starla really wanted to cry. She had always looked up to the Queen Frostine, always felt the pressure of being in her shadow, before Starla had known she wasn't really the Ice Princess.

To hear from Frostine herself that Starla was everything she was and better...

Starla needed that. Well, she didn't need it— she was beginning to let validation flow from within— but it still felt nice all the same.

So the two women sat and cried together, comforting each other. Starla shared about what it was like growing up as the Ice Princess. She shied away from parts about magic— she was too deep into this lie now to explain how she wasn't technically the Ice Princess actually...

But Frostine listened all the same.

"And how is my Han doing?" Frostine asked. Now, that was incredibly hard to answer.

"He's doing well," Starla managed, which wasn't THAT far from the truth.

"And the other girl, the one who became the Ice Princess," Starla asked cautiously. "Did her mother love her too?" She was scared to know the answer.

"Her mother loved her to her dying breath," Frostine said. That was it then. Starla was loved and had always been from the start.

Frostine peered at Starla's face, and for a moment Starla was scared she would be found out. She knew from a lifetime of whispered insults behind her back that she looked nothing like the late queen.

But Frostine just smiled. Starla wondered if she just saw what she wanted to see. What she needed to see.

Frostine was already fading away, edges of her form disintegrating into glittering snow. Starla grabbed her hand, entwining their fingers. She had finally had a mother for all of five minutes, and she was already slipping away.

"I just found you," Starla said, heartbroken. "What will I do when you're gone?"

"You'll do what you've always done," Frostine said with a smile. "I love you. I'm so proud of you, my little ray of light."

Starla held the fading queen.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," the queen sighed as she disappeared. A new song to replace her old one.

As Queen Frostine faded away in a swirl of glittering snow, Starla felt one of the ice crystals on her crown slough off and shatter against the ground.

Starla sat there a long time, the echoes of the dead queen's song lingering in her mind.