untouchable {wlw, teacher x student}

Chapter Eleven

Lena swallowed.
She had fucked it up.
It was her fault.

"About what?", she asked, her voice timid.
Cat would probably tell her to leave. Tell her that she had been using her all along. Tell her that she was not worth her time. That she was beneath her. Because that's how Lena felt with everyone. Like she was inferior. Worth less.

Cat sighed.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have slept with you again. You deserve better."

Lena only frowned. She didn't expect that, but it wasn't any better. It made her feel even worse. Confused.
"Cat, I wanted it.", she explained.
Cat did nothing wrong. Lena had been to one who begged her to touch her, begged her to stay. Lena had been the one who called her from jail. Lena was the one who needed her.

"No. You're my student, and you're clearly vulnerable."

Lena hated to be belittled. She hated to be treated like a child. It made her feel like she was scolded, like it was her mother standing in front of her. Like everyone had to be gentle with her.
"I'm an adult who can make their own decisions, you don't have to feel bad."

"Lena look at you. Yesterday, you were drunk and in jail. How did you even end up there?", Cat's voice was laced with worry.

Lena sighed. Cat was right. She was a mess. Maybe also not responsible enough to deal with the freedom she had now that she was no longer living at home.
"James had the stupid idea to trespass and only I got caught."

"James made you do it?"
Cat's eyes narrowed and Lena couldn't hold back a groan. Of course she would blame him. Of course she would tell her how much she disliked him.

"It was my own decision."
Lena crossed her arms in front of her chest, which didn't really help to get her point across.
She was still only wearing a shirt that was way too big, her hair messy, her lips pouty.

Cat couldn't take her serious. But she really tried to because upsetting her even more was not her intention.
"He's a terrible influence.", she just said.

"Don't treat me like I'm some dumb child. I decided to do it, I'm responsible for my own actions.", Lena snapped.
She angrily glanced at Cat, who simply decided to apologize.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

They sat in silence. Lena wasn't hungry anymore. She wasn't sure what to say next. Apologies were something she had never received in her life, usually she was the one apologizing.
But Cat apologized all the time. And she seemed to mean it as well.
Lena had no idea how to deal with her. Nor how to deal with her own feelings.
Did Cat even like her? Was she just a child to her? Someone to play with?

"Maybe I should go now.", she said and got up.
Cat didn't stop her as she went back to her bedroom and put on her clothes from last night.

"Should I drive you to college.", Cat asked as Lena was back in the kitchen, ready to leave.

"No, I can walk.", Lena replied.
She collected her things, not looking at Cat as she headed for the door. Maybe a night in jail would've been better than this. Maybe it would've given her more clarity than whatever was happening right now.

"Lena.", Cat gently grabbed her hand and held her back.

"What?", she snapped and turned around, her eyes connecting with Cat's. Lena knew that she was being childish, that they surely could talk about it but she didn't want that.

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

Cat looked genuinely sorry and Lena felt guilty for being so cold. Cat was being reasonable. Lena just didn't want to admit that.
"You didn't. Don't feel bad.", she tried to make her feel better.

"But you're upset."

"I just... it's just all so complicated.", she admitted.
Lena wished that it was different. That she wasn't overthinking everything. That she wasn't Cat's student. That they could just be something instead of nothing.

"It really is.", Cat nodded, "but we can't change that."

"I wish we could.", Lena mumbled.
Maybe if Cat didn't tell her that she was regularly hooking up with people. Maybe then she would've believed that they had a chance. But Cat was probably the worst thing that could've happened to Lena.

"Me too."

Did that mean Cat liked her? Lena wasn't sure. Lena wasn't sure about anything. Her mind was still fuzzy and she really wanted to be alone and overthink. Maybe sleep and never wake up. Maybe cry a little as well.
"Good bye.", she said as she realized that Cat wouldn't say anything else. She didn't want to burden her and she didn't want to make her feel bad. Cat probably felt like she was responsible for Lena, and Lena didn't want that.

"Good bye, Lena.", Cat said with a small smile.

The walk home to college was humiliating.
People stared at her due to her short dress, at least she felt like they did. The sun was bright and blinding her, her head still hurt from the previous night. Why was she always making horrible decisions? Maybe her mother had been right. Maybe she was not capable of living on her own.

As she opened the door to her dorm room, she realized that Petra was gone and let out a relieved sigh. She didn't want to explain anything to her.
As she turned her head to her own side of the room, she almost jumped. This was worse than any nightmare.

"Mother?"

~~

A/N: today's Mother's Day and for everyone who doesn't have a good relationship with their mom: you're valid:)) just because she's your mom doesn't mean you owe her anything
Please make sure to do something for yourself today and remember that you're loved, even if your mother never made you feel like you are <3