untouchable {wlw, teacher x student}

Chapter Twelve

|TW: sh|

"Yeah, it's me. Aren't you happy to see me?"
Her mother was sitting on her bed, fancy clothes on, her legs crossed, her eyebrows raised.
She didn't belong here at all.
Lena's side of the room was messy, clothes were on the floor, posters on her wall.
Or maybe Lena didn't belong.

"It's just a little unexpected."
Lena shook it off. She would get along with her mother for once. It surely couldn't be that bad. It was her mother after all.

"So a mother can't visit her daughter anymore?"

"That's not what I said."
Lena took a deep breath. Why did she always have to twist her words?

"You know what? Maybe I should just go."
Her mother got up, heading for the door.

"No, mom, please stay."
Lena resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She would be the bigger person.

Her mother had a satisfied smile on her face. She knew her victory.
"Your roommate let me in. Is she your girlfriend?"

"No, Petra's just a friend."

"Good, good. You never call, Lena. Do you still think you like girls?"

Lena didn't even know what to say.
Why was her mother already getting on her nerves?

"Anyway, I wanted to take you out for dinner tonight. Just you and me."

Lena would prefer to just stay in, but it was nice that her mother wanted to spend time with her. It didn't happen often. So she would take that opportunity.

"That would be nice."

~

Lena regretted her choice already.
They had only sat in the restaurant for ten minutes and she wanted nothing but to head back to college. Her mother had been talking nonstop about herself.

"So, Lena, how's college?", she finally asked and gave Lena the chance to reply.

"Good.", she just said.

"Your grades?"

"All A's."

"Excellent."

Lena hated that all they could talk about was meaningless things. Her mother knew nothing about her. Particularly because she never showed any interest when Lena was a child.
Now her mother seemed to try, but Lena didn't want her to know. She didn't want to be judged, she didn't want to hear a rude comment every time she talked about something she was passionate about.

They ordered their food, her mother's glance lingered on her as Lena talked.

"Are you really going to order that?", her mother said as the waitress was gone.

"Yeah, it's my favorite.", Lena raised her eyebrows.

"I just thought that maybe a salad would be more beneficial. You know, you could lose some weight."

Lena didn't reply anything. She was grateful as the waitress was bringing their drinks and Lena could take a sip of the liquor she had ordered.

"Can you maybe put on a jacket?", her mother then said.

"Why? It's hot in here."

"Your scars look horrible. I don't want people to think that you're one of those people."

"One of those people?"
Lena couldn't believe that this was happening.

"You know... mentally ill people."

"Being ill is nothing one has to be ashamed of."
Her voice was sharper than she had intended it to sound and she immediately regretted even saying something.
It was proof for her mother that she was still acting like a child, still lashing out whenever she was faced with criticism.

"You're so sensitive.", the woman sighed.

"Yeah, maybe I am."
Lena crossed her arms in front of her chest, looking down on the wooden table.

"Once again, you're making everything about yourself. I wanted to take you out to a nice dinner and you're being so... much like yourself."

It was enough. Lena was done being nice. Lena was done pretending like they got along.
"Did you come here to make me feel bad about myself?"

"No, of course not. You're my daughter. I just think that you should change some things."

"Like what?"

Her mother raised an eyebrow, ready to start talking.
"You're selfish and self-centered and you always managed to somehow make everything about yourself."

"That's not true.", Lena tried to defend herself.

"See, you're doing it again."

This was it. And yeah, maybe she was sensitive. Because it surely hurt.
"Do you even like me, mom?", she asked, her voice quiet.

"Of course I love you, Lena."

"No, I asked if you like me."

Her mother just looked at her, looked at her with pity in her eyes.

Lena had to swallow. So it was true. Her mother didn't like her. Lena knew that, but getting confirmation was painful.
"I knew it."
She got up and grabbed her bag, not looking at her mother as she just wanted to leave.

"Lena, get back now! Don't throw a tantrum."

But Lena didn't.
She headed straight to the restroom, luckily she was the only one there.
Tears threatened to spill, she swallowed them down because she didn't want to cry.

Her glance wandered around the room.
It was a nice restroom, soft pastel colors and everything looked clean.
They even had some goods for the guests. Soap, towels, disposable razors.

She just needed to get it out. All the anger, the hurt, the desperation. Disappointment too.

Her hands were shaky as she grabbed one of the razors and got out the blade. It was cold in her hands and Lena felt like she was 14 again.

Her mind went blurry as she felt the metal on her skin, then she felt sharp pain.
For a moment, she forgot about her mother. It was just her and the pain, her and the blood than started to run down her arm.

She would bleed out, she didn't want to die. Finally, she dropped the blade to the grounds, blood dripping right next on the white tiles.
Lena looked at the mess on her arms and swallowed before the first tears left her eyes.

What had she done?
Was she really so weak? Relapsing after two years? Just because of her mother? The woman she had lived with ever since she was born.

She put her cardigan back on, blood immediately staining the fabric. Lena was a mess. And she really shouldn't be alone right now.

She checked her phone.
Her mother had texted her that she had left. At least she was spared any rude comments that way.

She had no one. Well, maybe there was someone.
Her hands were clammy as she typed the message and sent it before she could overthink it.

Lena: I'm sorry for bothering you again, but can I please come over?

It didn't even take Cat more than thirty seconds to reply.

Cat: Of course, should I pick you up from somewhere? Are you safe?

Lena: I would like to just walk to your place, if that's okay

Cat: Sure, I'll wait for you:)

~

A/N: I got war flashbacks writing this ngl, love me some mommy issues