Deny everything

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Xavier California did not want to have this conversation. He would rather be with his boyfriend. He knew this conversation was going to happen eventually. His phone started ringing.
" Hello." Xavier said, questioning the other man.
" Poppy, it's me."
Xavier would recognize this voice anywhere, with his southern drawl. Xavier grabbed a fidget. From his desk. He anxiously started to squeeze the Strawberry shaped fidget toy. With water beads inside, squeezing the fidget toy was cathartic. Melted the anxiety away." What is it Daniel? Why are you calling me?" Xavier asked, in an uninterested tone. The anxiety coursed through his veins once again. The smell of the poppy scented candle was strong and he almost wanted to blow it out, but he didn't he like the smell of his state flower
"Let's not end it like this." Daniel pleaded.
Xavier could hear Daniel moving around his house; it sounded like he was going outside to check on his ranch.
"Daniel, it already ended. I've moved on." Xavier exclaimed.
He yawned and walked over to his movie trophy case from when he would star in the 1920s movies. He rubbed his finger around the glass of his first movie reward that he received all that time ago.
"No, I can't live without you." Daniel said pleadingly. Xavier sighed, it hurt him to think about their relationship. From the other line of the phone Xavier can hear horses neighing in the background.
"Yes, you can live without me, you have to" Xavier said.
He wanted to tell Daniel that he loved him, but he didn't he couldn't. Xavier walked to his bedroom, grabbed one of his plushy's, and laid on the bed. Tears started falling down his face, so he put his face into the stuff animal that he was holding
" Don't you still love me, Poppy?" Daniel asked. Xavier didn't love him anymore. Xavier cringed at that old nickname that Daniel used and squeezed the stuffed animal, taking the tension away.
"I don't love you, it's too painful." Xavier explained, remembering all the tears that Daniel Texas caused him to cry.
" Wasn't that bad, you are remembering it wrong." Dan explained.
On the other line. Daniel readjusted his hat. He was longing to smell the sweet scent of the California poppy. Instead, Daniel was smelling the shit of his animals. He missed his ex lover, missed him badly.
Xavier wanted to hang up, but he didn't. He had to get through to Daniel, even if it wasn't going to be easy.
"I'm not remembering it wrong. You hurt me. You made me feel bad about who I was and who I am." Xavier said. He just wanted to move on in peace and not have to worry about his ex. Xav grabbed the strawberry squishy. He started squeezing it once again.
" Poppy," Daniel said with a pleading voice. For a moment, Daniel sounded cocky. Xavier hated Daniel's cocky tone and how it made him feel like the other man was patronizing him.
"Don't call me that. Look, I know it's hard, but you're gonna have to move on to become a better person- I mean, come on, you're better than that." Xavier told the southern man.
"But I love you. How am I supposed to move on, when you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with?" Daniel asked, pleading. Xavier wasn't gonna have it. He got off his bed and started to go into the living room.
"I'm sorry, but you're no longer a part of my life." Xavier exclaimed.
Xavier knew that Daniel was a stubborn soul. On the other end of the phone, Dan walked over to his house, opened his door and walked over to his couch. Xavier could hear the sound of Daniel taking off his boots.
"But I am a part of your life. I see you every day at the meetings." Daniel explained, Xavier put his left hand on his face. Xavier slumped down on the couch. He felt annoyed and anxious. He once again squeezed his fidget toy, releasing the tension in his muscles.
"No, that's not the same thing, that's work. I mean,I may still be in your life, but I'm not a part of it." Xavier said, even though it was true that he does see Daniel almost every day because of the meetings, that doesn't mean that he needs to have a relationship with him. He sat on the couch.
"Yes, you are. You have always been a part of my life. I don't want you to not be a part of my life." Daniel says. Xavier frowned because this conversation exhausted him. Xavier started fidgeting with his flannel as it was starting to itch. He put his phone down for a brief second and took off his flannel, changing into his California grizzly bear shirt. He heard Daniel start to speak again, so he quickly picked up his phone to listen.
"Daniel, you know why I can't be with you anymore, even if I'd wanted to be a part of your life, I just can't do it." Xavier says with truth in his voice.
"Oh, come on, Xavier, I wasn't that bad to you." Daniel said with an annoyance in his tone. Xavier rolled his eyes.
" You were that bad to me." Xavier said.
The worst part is that he doesn't need to be having this conversation- he doesn't even want to have this conversation. He just wants to get on with his life.
"Daniel, I know it hurts that we are no longer together, but you have to move on.'' Xavier said.
Daniel stayed silent for a moment. Xavier could hear his heavy breathing.
"I can't move on, I need you. I need to be with you. I love you." Daniel said, trying one more time with the "I love you" routine.

Xavier sighed. He was hoping he didn't have to say this, but part of him knew that he was going to have to. Xavier thought it was weird to hear the prideful, sometimes vain, Daniel beg and plead without any ego in his voice.
"I don't love you, not anymore." Xavier said as he laid back on the couch
"You do love me. I know you do, please, love me. I can't do it without you." Daniel pleaded. Tears were falling down his face as he begged once again, trying to convince Xavier that he still loved him. Xavier could've just hung up the phone, but he felt like he had to say one last thing before he did.
"Here's what you're gonna do - when we hang up you're gonna rename my contact name to "do not call unless the Fed tells you to" and then go out to have fun and forget my existence." Xavier said, hoping that this would work, so that Daniel Texas would no longer bother him. That he could be with his current boyfriend, so that he wouldn't have to worry about his ex.
"I can't do that. I still love you." Daniel said.
Because of the sound of the other man hyperventilating, Xavier could tell that Daniel was crying. But he didn't care.
"Bye Daniel." Xavier said, getting ready to hang up the phone.
"Xavier wait, please, I love-" Daniel said, but Xavier hung up, cutting Daniel off. He went to his bedroom, plugged his phone in and went to sleep.He was finally feeling a weight lifted off his shoulders hoping that he wouldn't have this conversation again.

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