The Thoughts That Weren't Suicidal

13 | Tennis Court

"Because I'm doing this for the thrill of it, killin' it" - Tennis Court

-

I gazed outside of the window for a while, waiting for my burst of confidence to run through me. All I have to do is walk up the path, go inside, get Ellie, and walk out; It can't be that hard. I have to admit though that the concrete does look a tad bit intimidating.

I could accidentally trip, fall down and then hit my head. Then there would be a lot of blood everywhere and I would probably end up bleeding out because the ambulance would take too long. I didn't want to go out that way; it's too messy. Besides, a bunch of kids would probably see and be traumatized and then end up like me. That definitely wouldn't be good.

I wouldn't even be in this predicament if Cole didn't like Kris so much. After I told him that I was going to ride home with Kris, since she's coming over, he took that as an open invitation to tell us to pick up Ellie. Before this, Kris had no idea who Ellie was, and I liked it that way. I didn't want Kris knowing anything about me. I just want to play board games and eat Sebastio's with her.

"Do you want me to go with you?" God no. Not if you're going to be nice Kris.

So you don't want her to be nice, but you don't want her to mean either? You don't get it. How do I not get it; We are the same person. No, we are not; I am I and you are you. Whatever we don't have time for this; just go get Ellie so that we can get home faster. Just for that, I'm going to take as much time as possible.

I shook my head and unbuckled my seat belt. "No, I'm good. I'll only be a few seconds."

"Adri...it's already been ten minutes."

I got out of the car without saying anything else to her. I made sure to slam the door so she knew that I was upset.

This is one of the reasons why I don't like being around Kris. She emphasizes the fact I'm crazy. You'd think that hanging out with someone as crazy as Kristina would make me seem just a little bit more normal, but nope. Even around Kris, I was still the biggest freak in the world.

I wonder if Ellie would mind us walking home.

"Adri! Adri!" A bright orange streak squealed as they came racing towards me. I leaned down with a large smile, holding my arms out for her. She crashed into my chest and I immediately wrapped my arms around her then lifted her into the air.

The cool thing about hanging around Ellie is that I don't have to fake a smile around her. She is an amazing little girl and it kind of just...radiates off from her. She doesn't make me feel bad about myself, just good.

I have no idea how we came out of the same body.

"Hey El. You have a good day today?" As we walked outside, the concrete path didn't seem so scary anymore; A nice side effect of having Ellie around.

"Yes! I can't wait to show you everything I-, Adri, whose car is that?" Her arms tightened her around me and her voice suddenly fell to a whisper. I saw her face turn to one of fear and I immediately shook my head.

"No, no El, don't be scared. That's my friend Kris, she's coming over today." I informed her gently, and her grip loosened slightly.

The only trace of my crazy DNA that snuck into Ellie is the fact that she is terrified of meeting new people. She loves the idea of it, but once she's actually put into action, she freezes up. It doesn't take her long to warm up to people, two hours max, but until those two hours are done, things could be kind of shaky.

"You have a friend?" Ellie asked slowly. I grimaced as soon as she said the word "friend", but still nodded. Having someone ask me that aloud made me realize how ridiculous it sounded. I wasn't used to telling people that I had a real friend, the kind that comes over to your house, and then having to say that friend is Kris made it sound even grosser.