The Thoughts That Weren't Suicidal

31 | Still Sane

"I'm not in the swing of things. But what I really mean is, not in the swing of things yet" - Still Sane

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Waking up from a sleep that was induced by my body not being able to keep up with my brain, is harsh. My body systems are still in recovery mode and my head is throbbing. I should be thankful though; this is probably as close as I'll get to being a kid with a hangover after a big party. Except my party was with a bunch of nonexistent voices and instead of alcohol, I got sleep deprivation and instead of a hangover, I have a minute loss in organ function.

My ears are working just fine though.

"If you think I'm taking her back to your house, you're sadly mistaken."

"Cole. She tried to kill somebody. That's crazy even for Adrianna."

"No, I don't want to send her to the psych ward. I just think she needs some time away from you."

"You're not coming to get her right now. That's final."

The next thing that I heard was a dejected sigh from Kris and the thump of her phone falling onto her bed. Her back was to me, but I think that it's best to assume that her facial expression isn't very happy at the moment.

Say something to her. Like what; I'm sorry that I stress you out so much? No, just tell her everything is going to be okay. But everything isn't going to be okay. You don't know that. Nothing is ever okay; things definitely aren't going to start changing after me trying to kill somebody.

"You can send me to the psych ward Kristina. I won't be upset." I whispered quietly, sitting up slightly.

Me from three months ago would've never volunteered to go to the psych ward. Me from three months ago would've tried to burn the psych ward down.

But things are so much different now because I have Kristina in my life and I love Kristina, so I want her to be happy. So if sending me off to the psych ward will make me better for her and will make her stay with me, I'll go.

Kristina turned towards me with a small glare. "You're not going to that place."

Her voice was so determined and sure, but I know better. I know that when I start to be too much for people, they give up. They give me to the "professionals" and tell themselves that they're doing the right thing. They're really the only people who end up feeling better in the situation.

"What are we going to do then?" I asked her and she smiled at me.

"You are going to take your medicine. And then you're going to take a shower. And then we are going to school."

Δ

Walking through the hallways of school after committing attempted murder makes me feel more subconscious than ever. I've always felt like a danger to the general public, but now I've actually done something to endanger the general public. I guess that Tabitha can't really be considered the general public because I don't hate the general public nearly as much as I hate Tabitha, but everything is so jumbled together at the moment that it's hard to differentiate.

"You're doing great Adrianna," Kris whispered in my ear, before stopping at her locker.

I rolled my eyes at her. "Of course I'm great. I'm Adri. Great is my middle name."

Kris threw me a knowing look. "Didn't you tell me that your middle name is Diana?"

"Shut up." I immediately shot back. My middle name is whatever I say my middle name is. Birth certificates are only there to make stuff look official.