The Thoughts That Weren't Suicidal

24 | Perfect Places

"Now I can't stand to be alone. Let's go to perfect places" - Perfect Places

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"Kris, what the hell are these?" I asked, staring down at the bundle in my arms with a deep look of apprehension. I glanced back up at Kris to see her wearing an expression that was the perfect opposite of mine.

"Roses." She responded cheerfully, so proud of herself.

"Why the fuck did you get me roses?" I asked with the same attitude as before, and this time Kris's face fell a little.

Maybe I am being a little rude. I'm sure that Kris is just trying to do something nice for me. It's just that I don't have the most positive associations with roses in my head. They're usually red, which reminds me of blood, which reminds me of death, which is something I'm not allowed to think about. They also have thorns, which somehow always magically end up dug deep into my palms, which always gets me into trouble. Roses have just never been any fun for me.

But when I actually examined the roses in my arms, it's as if Kris already knew everything that I hate about them and made sure to give me roses that I would love.

The roses aren't even red. They are the same bright blue that my room is, which just so happens to be my favorite shade of blue. And every single thorn has been removed, so there is no way for me to "accidentally" stab myself. I don't actually know if Kris knows how much trouble I've gotten into because of thorns or if she just didn't want me to have anything sharp. Either way, I appreciate the gesture.

"I can take them back-" She began to stutter, but I shook my head before giving her a hug, which ended up being a little awkward because of the roses in my arm, but I think that it got my point across.

"No. They're nice. I like them." I reassured her, pulling away from the hug. Her smile immediately returned and she picked up my backpack from the ground for me.

I hope this isn't going to be an everyday thing because eventually, I'm going to say something mean. Maybe it's just an all week thing; you did say that you are giving her a chance. This isn't what I meant. Actually, it is; giving someone roses is customary in the wooing process. Well, that's just stupid. You secretly enjoy it. Lying is a sin. I know; I hear hell is great this time of year.

I carefully placed the roses on top of the textbooks in my locker, because it would probably upset Kris if I didn't take care of them. Today is only day one of Kris's wooing, and I'm already exhausted by the effort it's taking. Partly because I already like her so all of this is unnecessary. And the other part because gifts make me nervous and I think that they are really unnecessary because I don't think that deserve anything nice.

But that's a whole different issue for another day.

"Are you free after school tomorrow?" Kris suddenly asked and I hummed noncommittally.

"I have to go to therapy tomorrow." I really don't like saying 'have to' when talking about therapy because it is a lie. I don't need to go see that sad excuse for a human being, but due to my parents' painful failure of actually trying to help me, they send me to her.

"You're not going to her ever again." Kris sounded like 6 year old me; headstrong against ever going back into the room after the first visit. Silly girl.

"Kris I have to go to her or else-" I stopped myself, realizing that I'm not ready to tell her. She doesn't know about me going to the psych ward. If she finds out, she'll probably think that I'm crazier than she already thinks I am. Then she probably won't like me anymore and then I'll be alone again. No one will want me and I will-