The Thoughts That Weren't Suicidal

32 | Biting Down

"Skip a hit, don't make a sound (It feels better biting down. Breathed so deep I thought I'd drown" - Biting Down

- 

I kicked my feet back and forth in my chair, waiting for my name to be called. The waiting room is cold and quiet as usual, but I felt a different kind of aura in place today. The usual air of fear is here of course because what else are you supposed to feel from the woman who has the power to take you away from your family? There's just something new about today, and the fact that I can't figure out whether the new feeling is good or not gave me even more anxiety as usual.

I'm so extra today.

"Adrianna Petersons." There's my cue.

I stood up, waiting for Tabitha to open the door per usual, but instead the secretary appeared from behind the door.

"Go ahead and go to her office, Adrianna. You know the way." Unfortunately.

The fact that Tabitha didn't personally come to the door means that she's probably murder proofing her room right now. It's most likely proving to be a difficult task for her because she knows better than anyone that I can hurt somebody with just about anything. I'm probably going to walk inside and see that she's transformed her office into a white, padded room.

I mean I'd still be able to hurt somebody, it'd just make it a lot less fun.

"Adri, so nice to see you." Tabitha greeted calmly from behind her desk.

My initial and expected hatred for her spread throughout my body at the sound of her voice, but I was able to bring it down by remembering the fact that I promised Kristina that I would behave myself. And because I'm such a lovesick puppy, I have to keep my promise to my girlfriend.

I rolled my eyes at her. "Can't say the same."

I promised that I would behave, not be nice.

While looking for a seat I noticed that even though I've been sitting in front of her desk for the past few sessions, she's moved my chair back to where I used to sit pre-Kristina. It's like she's asking me to revert back to not talking to her or throwing something at her every other session. If she really wants that this bad, I'm willing to cooperate.

No, you're not; remember, you made a promise to Kris. I know that, but she'd never find out if I threw another chair at Tabitha. For some reason, I highly doubt that.

Going for another attempt to be mildly civilized, I picked up my chair and moved it back in front of Tabitha's desk before sitting down. Tabitha, of course, looked surprised, but I just rolled my eyes before training them on a random wall in the room.

"So Adri, about-"

"If you ever call me Adri again, I'm going to cut out-" I stopped myself when I realized that a civilized person wouldn't be saying the things I'm saying right now.

I took a deep breath before starting over. "Look, just don't call me Adri. Only my friends call me Adri and you are probably the furthest thing from a friend to me."

Once again, I never promised that I would be nice.

"Adrianna, we didn't mean for you to find out that way." She explained quietly.

"It honestly wouldn't have mattered where or how you told me. I would've still done the same thing I did two weeks ago. I don't like you." Don't like is an understatement, but she doesn't need to know how I'm really feeling.

"Psychiatrist me is different from just regular me." She tried explaining again, but I just scoffed.

"So normal you doesn't send fragile kids to nut houses in her free time?" I questioned, raising my voice.