The Thoughts That Weren't Suicidal

19 | Sober II (Melodrama)

"They'll talk about us, all the lovers. How we kiss and kill each other" - Sober II (Melodrama)

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Something is very wrong with Kristina. Not once during the movie has she tried to touch me. She hasn't shifted over, her hands haven't reached out. She didn't even try to do the stupid fake yawn. I'm not even sure if she's moved at all. It's as if she's been holding her breath for the past hour and a half.

The only reason it bothered me is because the last time we watched a movie together, a minute didn't go past where she wasn't trying to touch me, so I am just a little worried. There's nothing wrong with being a little worried.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with worrying; it means you're starting to care about her. I don't care about Kristina; unhappy people just stress me out. How does that even work? Two people with the same personalities don't get along. So you're saying opposites attract? Sure.

So you're attracted to Kristina now?

"Adrianna, why did you pause the movie?" Why did you pause your emotions?

"We need to talk." I sighed but didn't turn to look at her. I can already tell that this is going to be a mess.

Making conversation is not one of my good qualities. In fact, it's number two on my long list of things that I'm bad at.

Living is number one.

The bed finally shifted and I could now feel a pair of concerned eyes watching me.

"Talk about what?" She asked and I shrugged slightly. My mind instantly went to something comfortable like board games or Sebastio's, but then I decided that would defeat the purpose of the conversation.

"What's wrong with you? You're not being very much like yourself." Which isn't necessarily the bad part. A new Kristina is something that I could be totally down with. Unless of course, the new Kristina replaces all of the things I actually like about this Kristina.

Not that I'm saying I enjoy how touchy she is. I just appreciate the consistency of it all. I like being able to count on people and the one thing I can count on Kristina to do is annoy me by making gross jokes and invading my personal space bubble.

"What are you talking about?" Why do I have to do all of the conversing in this conversation I proposed? What kind of logic is that?

"You're a million miles away, both literally and figuratively. Any other day you're on me like a second pair of skin. Now you're hanging off the side of my bed. You're not being very you." You also haven't made a sarcastic comment, or offered your unnecessary commentary, or called the female love interest in the movie "hot". I could go on and on.

"I thought you didn't want me to touch you."

There are a lot of things that I don't want. I don't want to take my medication. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to be alive. But I still deal with it.

Plus, she's making it sound like I just don't want her touching me. I don't want anyone in my space. And if I had to pick someone to be in my space, I'd choose her because I'm so used to it now.

"Sometimes I say things that I don't mean. I tell Cole that I hate him all the time, but I love him. He's probably my favorite person on this entire planet."

Kris was silent for a few moments, and I got to watch the gears turned in her eyes. It was like she was pulling herself out of her head, and remembering where she is, who she's dealing with. Eventually, a hesitant smirk appeared.

"Then what does that make me?" There she is.

"Maybe number three. Ellie is definitely number two." I teased, with a nervous smile of my own.