The Thoughts That Weren't Suicidal

14 | Good Fights

"Oh, you can feel sorry for there are people in your mind" - Good Fights

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The bell rang, and I made my way to my seat next to Kris. I definitely wasn't late to school. I was just a little tardy. Being tardy sounds a lot better than being late.

I may have put up a fight on taking my meds today. There was a lot of kicking and shoving for sure. A couple of grounding threats. Two or three pills were thrown. Days like these are why my doctor thinks that I abuse my meds. I run out of my prescription a little fast sometimes because on the days I don't want to take them I ended up losing a couple of them in my fights with Cole. I never tell my doctor about this though (in case he tries to get any ideas about sending me to the nuthouse), so he thinks that I take extra; it's the most ridiculous thing that I've ever heard. I don't even like taking my regular dosage.

Eventually, Cole was able to pin me down and shove them down my throat. Ten minutes later I was on my way here and had fewer emotions than a potato.

"Good morning Adrianna. Looks like you got here in a rush. Excited to see me?" Kris whispered quietly since Ms. Reynolds had started talking. I'm pretty sure that meant no talking, but when did Kris ever listen.

"Good morning Kristina, and I'm going to ignore that second part." I wasn't the one excited to Kris. However, the person who was missing her had a few choice words about my tardiness.

I was able to enjoy a few minutes of silence before Kris decided that she wanted to talk to me again. I don't think she understands the concept of school. Or at least the whole learning and being quiet part. She definitely has the socializing part down.

"Have you been doing a lot of thinking?" I'm trying to think about my school work, but someone is annoying me.

It was day one of me thinking about Kris's proposition, and I already have an answer: no. Had I thought about it? No. Should I think about it? It would probably make me a better person. But do I want to think about it? No. So I'm not going to think about it.

If you don't think about it that will make you a liar. Now you care about being a liar. I've always cared about being a liar. Remember when you asked me to lie to Cole? This is Kristina though; I like Kristina. You don't like Cole? You know the answer to that question. I'm not talking to you for the rest of the day. I've never, not once, asked you to talk to me Adrianna.

"Since you're not answering me, I'm going to assume no." That'd be a really good assumption.

"Come on Adri." Her tone made me look at her, but I didn't say anything. "You said you'd think about giving me a chance." Technically I thought about it for about two seconds before deciding no. I guess that giving her a chance would be a good thing to do, but I don't even understand why she even wants a chance.

I glanced up at Ms. Reynolds, before turning back towards Kris. "Why?"

"Why what?"

I rolled my eyes. "Why do you want me to give you a chance?"

She stared at me for a few seconds before tilting her head. I didn't think that it was that hard a question.

"It's hard to explain. But...you know, because I want to be with you."

I groaned in response because my stomach decided to tie itself into knots and get my lungs involved as well. My stomach was so selfish sometimes. It could never go down by itself, always had to take someone down with him.

"Kris I'm not one of your closet friends." I finally managed to get that out, but quietly. My lungs were still trying to get away.

"No, no. I know that. Adri are you okay? You look sick? Is it really that bad of an idea?" Kris rushed in a panicked voice.