ishq lost & found

11; Before

"I think she really likes me..." Salman told his older brother, "And I really like her..." he told him, never having thought he would be pouring his heart out to his older brother. Their relationship wasn't like that. Not til it came to the same girl. 

Salman knew who Saad liked, he also knew who Ranya liked, and it certainly wasn't Salman- that much was obvious to everyone except Saad who figured it was just some unrequited love from his side. 

Saad & Salman were nothing alike- although brothers, they were complete opposites. Saad was willing to do anything for his family, he was thoughtful and caring. Traits that Ranya loved about him. Salman on the other hand was an opportunistic smooth talker who was also interested in Ranya, but ended up watching his brother woo her from the sidelines. He was always jealous of their relationship, confused as to how those two bonded more when he was closer in age with Ranya. 

Saad was a lot of great things, but he was also clueless. He enjoyed the moments he shared with Ranya, like teasing her, or just making time for her and getting any chance to be with her. He enjoyed her presence. But, even with all the clear signals she sent his way, he figured she just saw him as her best friends older brother, maybe even a friend. 

A small part of him had a bit of hope, a small inkling that maybe he wasn't crazy & that it wasn't all in his head. That maybe, just maybe, Ranya actually, truly, felt something for him. He just didn't think it was appropriate to ask, there was never a good time. And when his brother came to him with his revelation, that small bit of hope vanished, taking his heart with it. Him & his brother may not have been the closest, they surely weren't close enough to speak about their deepest emotions to each other, but he loved his little brother. He loved him enough to the point where he was willing to give up his first love for Salman's happiness. 

That's why he left. He knew he couldn't bare to see the girl he loved fall for someone else. He was selfless, but he wasn't a masochist. Sometimes he'd even go as far as to make himself dislike her, convincing himself that she was somehow in the wrong, that she was playing with his feelings. It never lasted long, he was a sensible guy, and far too smart to trick himself. Just not smart enough to see when the girl of his dreams likes him. 

He knew he had to leave. He never thought nor expected to see her again, and if he did- which would have likely been after she had been married to Salman, his plan was to avoid her. And if he ran into her, be cordial and short. But luckily for him, life had a different plan. 

The week before their nikkah went by in a blur. Saad had busied himself with work because he had already missed more than he planned. Thankfully for Saad, he was very well liked, especially for his work ethic. He brought in many cases, often requested by companies who wanted him specifically, so his firm would have been dumb to let him go. Instead, they let him relocate to their Toronto location. But, making up missed time when you have multiple cases to juggle is not an easy task. Ranya didn't hear from him at all. But this was nothing unfamiliar to her. She cared, but not too much. The pair to be hadn't spoken since their "date". But she was too busy to dwell on it, getting the details of her ceremonies together. 

The original plan was for the ceremonies to include both the groom and the bride, but seeing as Saad had to leave last minute, he couldn't make it, and Ranya could not be more thankful. She never really liked the culture of having the unmarried couple participate in pre-nikkah celebratory events together, the idea of not seeing her groom til the wedding day added excitement. Or it would have, had the groom been someone she knew well. In this case, rather than excitement, she felt anxiety. 

Things like this happened all the time. That's what she told herself for the past few days, certain it was true because she had heard of many marriages like these between desi people, where they were like roommates who happened to be married. And it worked well. They live separate lives and all is okay, even if their lives are void of romance and love, friendship, or whatever her and Saad were going to have would be better than nothing. Knowing Saad was a lawyer, she figured he'd always have his head buried in paperwork whereas she'd be in the clinic from morning to afternoon, probably busying herself with chores & hobbies after. It'll be ok, she'd tell herself any time she found her mind wandering the topic. 

Dressed all in matching pink silk pyjamas, her, some of her closest friends, and her sister with her friends all decided to match & begin their night of fun. It was like a sleepover, everyone doing skin care, talking about their love lives, eating snacks mean't for pictures, watching romantic movies, and taking tons of photos for memories. It was nice to have them around, rare for the group to meet up like this as they all had their busy lives. But the night before her wedding was the one day they were all willing to take off. 

"Are you nervous?" Fatima, one of Ranya's older friends asked, popping a strawberry into her mouth as they placed card games. 

Knowing none of her friends, besides Dua, knew the truth, she decided it was best to pretend. Not only for the sake of her reputation, but also because she didn't feel like going over the story and diving into detail again. It was still a touchy subject, and telling her friends, who luckily were not aware of any prospect of marrying Salman, the entire heart wrenching story, was just too much. 

"Kind of..." she answered, telling the half truth, avoiding eye contact with any of the girls. It was true that she was nervous, but looking too nervous might almost be suspicious. 

"Well, you shouldn't be..." Her longtime coworker turned friend teased, "Your mehndi stained so dark, he's going to love you a lot." 

Ranya's cheeks flushed, whilst the entire group gushed at her reaction. She wasn't sure why she reacted like that, the realization that none of this was real was quite a painful reminder. Like most girls, she dreamt of growing up, finding a guy that wanted to be with her, and ending up with him. She always thought it was that simple. 

But that isn't what was written for her it seems. 

-

"Aren't you even a little bit stressed?" Saad's best friend from college asked as the two facetimed since he needed some advice regarding a clause in a contract. 

Saad peered over the thick pages in his hands, staring at the image of his friend on his phone screen, "No. I'm far more stressed about this paper work." he yawned, his eyes feeling heavier with each flip of the paper. 

"You're nikkah is tomorrow and you're worried about work? Be serious man! Put that stuff away and go to sleep, your girls not gonna be happy." he teased, holding back a smirk as he began to notice the emotion Saad tried to hide behind his stoic expression. 

"Shut up, she is not my girl. She was my brothers girl. Nothing about this is right." He sighed, throwing the papers to the side before running a hand through his hair. 

"Your brother is an idiot. And you've liked her for decades. You're telling me you're not the least bit excited? Not even a little stressed?" He asked, yapping on as he often did, "When I was getting married to Zara I was terrified the night before, it was so exciting but terrifying at the same time I can't explain it. It's such a unique feeling." 

"No. I feel guilty for agreeing to this. I feel guilty that I'm even..." He paused, taking a moment to think his words through before presenting them to his friend, "I'm kind of glad to see her again. But do you know how sick you have to be to relish the chance of marrying your brothers fiancé?" He shook his head in disappointment, a habit he picked up in law school, every bone in his body telling him this was unfair to his brother, and more importantly to Ranya. But he couldn't help the fact that his heart began to race at any mention of Ranya, not to mention seeing her and being near her. But he was quick to fall back into old habits, telling himself to change his love towards her into something else, indifference perhaps. 

"Not only is she my brothers girl, but she doesn't even like me. She never did." 

"Who cares. He left! That's his fault. If she didn't like you, she wouldn't have agreed to this. Just swoop in and change what she feels." Rolling his eyes at his friends nonsensical statement, tired of all the stress of his wedding and work, he said is goodbyes before cleaning up his desk a bit and the apartment he had already began settling into. 

He decided it would just be easier if everything was already ready for Ranya, guessing she'd be busy with work and tired afterwards, especially after a week straight of events. So he began moving in, living in his office more than the bedroom he barely decorated. 

Arm resting under his head, he laid in bed for hours, his eyes heavy like his heart. He couldn't stop thinking, he couldn't stop feeling the guilt that obviously comes from finding joy in marrying your little brothers fiancé. He kept thinking about what his reaction would be had he known, what his face would look like while witnessing his beloved and his elder brother completing their vows. If It were reversed, Saad would've been devastated, his trust broken completely. But If it was reversed, Saad would have never left in the first place.