ishq lost & found

29; Strike

Ranya had indeed planned on treating Saad as terribly as she could, as long as it was subtle and she could get away with it. Trying to put into words the effect his absence had on her, the distress his departure left was something she kept between herself and her thoughts at night.

Tossing and turning in bed, she wondered what it was that so easily made her melt into her old naive self. Somehow, she felt kind of content with their odd situation. It was strange at first, uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and terrifying. But now it kind of felt like they were friends, and that seemed to be more than enough. If she had come to terms with this years ago, maybe him leaving wouldn't have hurt so much.

But she wished she had even an ounce of the backbone younger Ranya did. She still feared she would get hurt by Saad, again. It was easy for her to forgive, but to trust and forget. That was different.

-

Legs dangling over the edge of Dua's bed, Ranya tried to drown out the sound of his mother and rest of his family talking about the photos Saad just sent. The photos he sent to everybody but her.

Biting her lip, she teetered over the edge of tearing up, refusing to do so. It would be embarrassing to let him upset her this much when he had made it clear he didn't care about her, going months without speaking to her. In fact he was blatant with his lack of concern for her, ignoring her messages entirely.

"College seems to fun! Look-" Dua barged back into her room, holding her mom's phone up at Ranya. "Saad bhai went to a football game! He has so many friends already."

Handing Ranya the phone, she reluctantly raised her gaze from the floor, hoping her eyes didn't give away her actual feelings. Staring at the picture, she felt like she was in some trance. Looking at Saad felt so strange now, he looked unrecognizable. It was like she didn't know him at all, and she didn't really anymore.

"Looks nice. Was that recent?" She asked, hoping that by commenting somehow she could keep Dua from sniffing out her farce.

"It was today! He made so many friends so easily." Dua stared at the picture, "That's gonna be us next year."

Taking another look at the picture, this time over Duas shoulder and from a better distance, Ranyas eyes fell straight onto the couple of girls surrounding Saad. To his right stood one of the prettiest girls of the group, and her proximity to Saad bordered suspicion. Who was she? What was she to Saad? Figuring it's better to look away, Ranya decided to change the subject back to the purpose of her visit.

Months after that, she had decided to let go. The agony and longing bubbled into anger and resentment. She decided it was better if she treated him the way he treated her. But for that to happen she would have to face him first. At first, when Saad had come to visit during thanksgiving break, Ranya did whatever she could to ignore him. But she knew it would be hard to escape him during the Christmas break.

"Are you ready?" Ranya's mom asked, walking through her bedroom door while adjusting her earring.

"Yeah- but do I have to go?" Ranya asked, preparing to plead with her mom to let her stay home. All day she had been building up the courage to see Saad, but as the moment was approaching, she realized that maybe she wasn't as strong as she thought.

"Is everything ok?" her mom asked, placing the back of her hand against Ranya's forehead assuming she must have a fever.

"Yeah, I just... I don't feel that good. I'm so tired." Ranya lied, trying to find anything but the truth to spit out. Nobody knew and she wanted to keep it that way. Maybe she would tell Dua when she was over it, but never her mom.