LOST IN LOVE 🌡️

17/HEAR ME OUT

ETORIA

I served breakfast like every other morning with no plan on joining in

"Breakfast is served Selena"  I informed her

" Etoria are you okay " She asked but I couldn't find my voice so I nodded

" You just don't seem that way , you don't look good , if something's bothering you , you can tell me you know?" She said as though she was genuinely concerned

I wanted to say I know but at the same I don't know so I just walked away to my room like I have done so far

I sat by my bed as I thought about all that's happening, it's been a month I have been avoiding Luscious, every where I sight him I turn away

I fear that If I see him I won't recognize him to be Luscious but rather to be the man that I encountered that night

I hear the maids talk about him all the time , some even walked up to me asking if he was doing okay as he had been drinking so heavily for weeks

I always find myself turning away from them without a word said , yeah I run

It shreds my heart when I reminisce about how we were and what we have become now in our own individuality and together but it burns more when I remember his atrocious act that has rendered me the shell of the little girl I swore to never return to

I cried to the anguish of my inner child immediately I closed the door of my room, until I fell asleep and woke up to lunch time

I got up and tidied myself though I could barely see clearly I still managed to step out the room , walking aimlessly only to bump into him

I immediately scoot back three steps with a flinch but then I raised my weak , shaking hands in an attempt to stop him from coming closer which he attempts to but then so suddenly he drops on his knees

So loud I knew that would bruise and hurt for sure but my inner child bites back as to how that can't compare to my hurt from him

Am brought out of my reverie when I hear the words I already know deep down inside me

"Am sorry" I see him for the first time taking In the dark circles around his eyes that are brimming red with unshed tears

His tattered dressing ,his unshaven face with hairs that signify his absent mindedness about himself and his surrounding

I can see just myself in his eyes and the guilt, pain and torment that lies in it towards me but am brought to a flinch once again when he attempts to touch my feet as he wails saying the words am sorry over and over again but this time

I gather my little strength and will myself away from my bane of pain and so I leave him without glancing back for the kitchen

I may have been unsteady but I finally made it to the kitchen , distracting myself by doing what I love the most , cooking

I served lunch but with no appetite I willed myself to my favorite place to be in , the garden

I kept thinking about how Luscious sounded so broken when he said he was sorry , I just couldn't get it out if my head all through my cooking and now here I am but I got spooked when I heard him again , the voice I once relish but now dread 

" I just want to talk to you, you don't have to turn around and neither do you have to say anything, I know it's so uncomfortable for you to look at me but I can at least hope you would hear me out . I do not deserve your forgiveness but I will admit that am a selfish person and if it is to get back the little light you shed in my life in just a few months , I would beg , grovel at your feet and do all you ask and what it takes to earn back your forgiveness"

I knew he was not lying but I willed myself to just listen to him cause am not so sure I can handle seeing him

" Etoria I was born from a woman, she was a call girl in a brothel , she fell in love with my father at the brothel and she believed he loved her too despite her job so when she got pregnant with me , she thought she would finally have a family but that's when it all changed

My father laughed in her face for being stupid enough to believe he would ever fall in love with her , a SLUT, he left the brothel and abandon her , never returning to the brothel again , he never picked her calls , reply her texts and paid the brothel owner to keep her mouth shut about it all

For months my mother was in pain from the heartbreak my father had caused her and so one day , the brothel owner threw my mother out in nothing but her nightie gown as she wasn't making money for her anymore so she couldn't keep a useless baggage, the guards that had thrown her out thought they could do anything to her so they touched her and due to her in willing spirit , she fought back and finally left the brothel with a few wounds and a torn nightie from the high end of her left hip to the hem

She could only pray that I stayed fine during it all and so for two days she slept on the street and by the third day , some thugs had noticed how she sleeps by the alley near the old coffee shop so they came that night to keep her company

They tried to rape her though she was pregnant, she was groped, bea....beaten to a pulp and molested but thank Allah they never raped her as just when she was to lose consciousness, a woman had called the police and managed to save her

She woke up in the hospital and the woman had helped het a lot by paying her bills and having a checkup done on me and so turns out I was alright but needed extra care of herself

She and the lady formed a good friendship in little amount of time so she told her all about my father and her trials till she landed there , in the hospital

The woman gave my mother hope again telling her if she truly loves my father and has always had the dream of a family then for my sake , for her dream and for her love she would need to fight , she gave her clothes and money to book a flight and go get her man and life back so mother did just that

My mother travelled all the way to Italy and went to the house my father had once told her all about that they would live in one day  but she only got to see him She got to see him the next day so she threatened to tell the media all about his deeds that way everyone gets to know how he knocked her up and refused to accept his responsibility

He taunted her with her job as a call girl but she reminded him that she was still human and so he threatened to kill her as she was not indestructible but my mother bit back telling him to do it and put an end before the birth of his heir and so when my father heard she was pregnant with a boy he agreed to have her in his home and once again her life changed not for better but for worse

My father found his way and slipped right back into my mother's heart, he made her happy again with several new promises , he kept her safe , showered her with love, gave her surprises, never caged her physically but mentally and so the day came she gave birth to me and that marked the beginning of the end

I was the reason for her losing her love and then I became the reason for her losing her dignity, respect, sanity and life".

__________________________________