my point of view of our relationship 2021-2024, what i feels and what i went through at that time, sorry for the messy writing, i tried my best love, i love you hope u like it ;)
I hate going out with E, i couldn't even explain what i feel, but i just feel empty, emotion less, where's that lover girl before? I am happy yeah, i go out more with my friends and new people but still why do i feel empty.. some part of me feels missing. Part of me miss you and part of me hates you, i don't know what to feel, so i just keep it everything alone without anyone knowing.
Time past, and i made a decision where i rather focus on myself more, and i did. I left E, we didn't match, and i just couldn't, i just couldn't with a new person, so i choose to be alone instead. I became a student council president, get better grades, and happier, but do i still feel some part of me is missing? Yes, yes i do.
November 17 2022 19:58 PM "Congrats btw" "I'm really proud of you" u still love me right?
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My friends calls me dumb for sometimes missing you, but they will never know what i feel because they never experience it. They don't know the giggles and laughs we let out everytime we're together, and that what hurts me more, that what makes me think more and more. But i can't lie, i miss you, i miss the old us and everything, that's why i approach u again in the new year eve.
I don't know what i was thingking of when i texted u again at the new year eve, but all i can think of is "i wanna be free" from everything, i got this hatred feelings for u cause what u have done to me in the past and it felt so wrong hating ur loved ones. It hurts. Cause i love you and why would i hate you?
My brain and heart couldn't really proccess what i truly wants, do i really want 'freedom' or do i just 'miss him' ??? I can't choose, i don't know what i want, but knowing deep down yes i miss you, but i can't admit it.
December 11 2022 "I'm trying to forget you, but i'm also waiting for you to come back" December 29 2022 "I missed him, but no more feelings involved" January 01 2023 "We both knew that no matter how much we loved each other we we're no good for each other, so we had to let it go" January 02 2023 "I miss his voice, i miss his laugh, i miss talking to him, i miss everything about you" January 08 2023 "You still feel like home"
