My Dearest,

Why?

Our sweet, lovely, pure moments didn't last that long, well happinest is not always forever right? It's balanced, there's always sadness inside the happinest, and that's what happens in our relationship. We fight a lot, like i say we fight once a week, but i always endure it, the pain, the anger, the urge to just break up, endure it all. Cause making a decision in a angry situation will end up regretfull. That's why i always endure it. Not until
July 30 2022, we broke up, not officialy, but still broke up.

Short explanation, his grades went down a lot, it get worse, and his parents blame it on our relationship, they feel like that's the reason why his grade is getting bad now, well u could say his parent forced us to break up, so we did, cause what else we can do? He began to delete all of our picture in his Instagram highlights, delete all of our picture in TikTok, Spotify, WhatsApp, basically everything. It hurts, it was so painful that i cried for days, i couldn't accept it no matter what, i hate it so much, but well we're still friends and text each other daily, but yeah it was just kind off not it, and different vibes like before.

Why i said this wasn't an official breakup, it's because none of us wants it, we we're forced to, that's why i said it's not an official breakup. But well this unofficial breakup didn't last long, because it became an actual official breakup.

August 07 2022, i asked him to officially breakup.

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Do u know how hard the decisions that i made? It was very hard and painful, knowing that we put so much efforts on our relationship last year and part away now? Why? But most importantly why'd u do that.

I felt betrayed, most importantly betrayed by someone i really love the most and trust. My heart felt so painful and heavy at that time that i couldn't think twice.

August 07 2022 12:00 PM
"It hurts, let's just breakup."
"I'm sorry"
"Idc anymore"
"Okay... i'm so sorry"
we part away, i cried for weeks, my mental health was destroyed, and mainly my trust was destroyed.

Almost everyday my mind is filled with this questions like "why did he do that?" "i'm not enough" "does he actually loves me" "why?" "why?" "why?" "why?" kepts repeating on my head, every, single, day.

I got tired, ofc, so then i moved on, i go out with this guy, let's just call him 'E', he's my senior, and we go out, i never actually like him i just go with the flow, cause i was hurted, depressed and needs distraction from all of it. He's nice at first, but i know he's a fboy and he doesn't want anything serious with me, i still fell for it though, but it doesn't feel the same when i was with him, i didn't feel butterfly, pure love, and that spark, it's gone, i don't know where it went.

It feels like i'm cheating on you when i'm with him.

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