Pretend It's Okay

7 - Life came Between Us

"What the fuck!" Leigh-Anne shouted, completely shocked by what Perrie had just said. "I'm sorry, but what the fuck?" she repeated as she tried to process the blonde's words. This had to be a joke, right? Or maybe a misunderstanding? Maybe Leigh had taken Perrie's words the wrong way.

"Left like he's away for a while? Is he going to play internationally?" she rationalised. Alex was a professional footballer at the end of his career. It was a more common time for players to play for an international club before fully retiring.

"No. Left as in he's getting his own place." Perrie clarified, her voice so faint that both women struggled to hear her. In an instant Jade was completely sober.

"What happened? Leigh asked, still not understanding. Alex and Perrie had been perfect for each other. They'd fallen hard for each other the very day that they met and had hardly even argued. Perrie's relationship with Alex was different to her one with Zayn and the few other guys she'd briefly dated in the middle. It wasn't one sided, with Alex committing to her the same way she did to him. Perrie was so used to her generosity and optimism being taken advantage of but Alex had never done that.

He had kept their relationship quiet until Perrie was ready to become public with him, had gone with her to the studio and learnt the choreography to help her when panic attacks were controlling her life, treated her like a queen when she was pregnant and uncomfortable, and never once blamed her when they were told their son was going to die.

Even though it was his child too Alex held himself together when Perrie was in pain as she miscarried, comforted her through the long delivery, and held her afterwards when she broke down. Perrie had refused to see their son when the nurses had cleaned him up and she had calmed down, not feeling strong enough to look at her Angel baby. Alex had been the one to hold him in his arms so Perrie could look at him, and eventually coaxed her into holding him. Perrie was grateful for that every single day, treasuring those hours with her two boys.

When their families turned up at the hospital, and later on the girls, it had been Alex who explained what had happened because Perrie wasn't able to say the words. When the world found out about their loss he had intervened with Jade and Leigh-Anne, advocating for the hiatus on behalf of his fiancé.

He made sure she ate and drank regularly and took her medications, knowing that Perrie was too depressed to remember, and guided her through the dark. Their life was good again, Perrie and Alex were both working and the girls had overheard talks of trying for a baby again. How could he have left her?

Perrie opened her mouth to respond but there was too much to say and so much that she couldn't tell them. If she told the girls the truth, the whole truth, they'd never look at her the same way again. Alex couldn't look at Perrie the way he used to, pain and sadness overpowering the love in his eyes. Around his fiancé all he could do was grieve and there wasn't anything Perrie could do to change that. She wasn't surprised that they were in this situation but it still hurt.

When they finally got the answer she had given Alex an out. Their life was never going to be what he wanted and what she insisted he deserved. He could leave right then and she'd completely understand. At the time Alex had refused and insisted that he didn't want a life that didn't have Perrie in it. For a couple of months they had been able to hide the cracks, but they grew too large and no amount of loving acts and reassuring words could bring Alex back to her.

A heartbroken sob tore its way out of Perrie's throat as her words failed her. Her hand flew to her mouth as she sobbed again, unable to hold back the dam any longer. Jade pulled the blonde into her chest, wrapping her arms tightly around Perrie's shaking frame. She glanced over her shoulder at Leigh-Anne, seeing that the older woman was as lost as she was. Perrie had been keeping them both in the dark, just like Jade had been.