Pretend It's Okay

8 - Solo

Everything looked so empty now, large gaps on the shelves where his memorabilia used to stand tall. Perrie had always insisted that they were on display mixed in with her Little Mix awards because she was so proud of them both. Recently the blonde woman had been too tired to keep up with all of the housework, allowing for small piles of dust to accumulate which now traced the outline of the removed items. The white walls were a lot more bare, half of the pictures now also gone, leaving the walls feeling as naked and exposed as Perrie's heart.

The process had been so quick but also incredibly slow. The night before Perrie's impromptu dinner date with the girls she had been greeted by her fiance after work. Alex being home was a surprise because at this point Alex was almost never home. He wasn't relaxing though, instead he was sitting at the kitchen table, foot tapping too quickly on the hard kitchen tiles. It was with a heavy heart that Perrie realised her fiance wasn't at home to spend time with her or even by coincidence. No, he was waiting for her for a very serious reason.

"Hi babe." Perrie greeted Alex softly, her voice betraying her. She wanted nothing more than to dash over to him and sit on his lap, wrap her arms around his neck and share a kiss. That didn't work anymore though. The last time Perrie tried to kiss Alex he went as stiff as a board and didn't kiss back. It was like embracing a cardboard cut out of her fiance and at this point that's what their relationship had devolved into, a cardboard cut out of what it used to be.

"Perrie, we need to talk." Alex ignored her greeting, his voice firm and short. The blonde still knew him incredibly well and could hear the small tremble of his voice when he pronounced her name. He still loved her, they both knew it and knew that he probably always would, and Perrie would always reciprocate those feelings. That's why they had to do this.

"I'm listening." she replied, putting her handbag down on the kitchen island. Hatchi was fast asleep in his bed in the front room but Travis was pressing himself against her legs having missed his mother. She carefully bent down and scooped the young dog into her arms, holding him with one hand whilst she steadied herself against the counter with the other hand.

Alex waited for her to sit opposite him at the kitchen table with Travis curled up on her lap before he continued. Looking up from her dog Perrie met Alex's brown eyes. Normally they were the second prettiest brown eyes she had ever seen but today they were clouded over, reflecting the man's internal battle. "I can't do this anymore."

There they were, the inevitable words that doubled as the final nail in the Alerrie coffin. Every happy moment the couple had shared rushed through Perrie's mind like a slideshow of their relationship. All of the times Alex had held her hand, kissed her in secret, made love to her. All of it had built up to this moment, the moment he let her go.

Today was a good day for Perrie, in fact she hadn't had a really bad day in quite a while, which is why Alex chose today to tell her. At his words Perrie refocused her gaze back down on Travis, stroking his fur to keep herself calm though all it did was highlight to the former couple just how vigorously her hands were now shaking. She closed her eyes to maintain her composure, a couple of tears squeezing their way out from between her long eyelashes and rolled down her cheeks.

With all of her strength Perrie slightly nodded her head to agree with the man she still loved. "I understand." she whispered, knowing that if she spoke any louder her voice would crack and she wouldn't be able to hold back her sobs.

She looked back up at Alex, his eyes now as damp and heartbroken as her own. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry Alex."

Hearing the blonde blame herself for everything overwhelmed the man and he could no longer hold back his own tears. "It's not your fault Perrie. You didn't ask for any of this, you gave me an out earlier and when I refused you tried to make me happy. You did your best, we were just already too far gone." he comforted her, voicing the truth they had both refused to admit until now.