𝓣𝓻𝓾𝓵𝔂 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓮 ☆ 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐤𝐚𝐧𝐚

~𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒂 𝑮𝒂𝒎𝒆~

°•☆•°☆°•☆• °☆°•☆•°☆°•☆•°☆°•☆•°☆°•

It's now February and not much has happened. At least not between me and Sanemi. He tries to steal a few kisses when no one is looking, and of course, I end up telling Mitsuri all the details. If I don't, she might tackle me, so I don't really have a choice. It's not that I don't want to share all the drama with her, because I do. It's just that, you know, I don't have a choice. I kind of like it that way. I don't completely know why, but it feels comforting. Why? Who knows? It just does.
Obanai has been even more overwhelming and overly obsessive about Mitsuri. It's like he thinks he'll die if he's not within a ten-foot radius of her. It's quite aggravating, honestly. I don't understand why he doesn't just ask her out. I'm almost one hundred percent sure she would say yes.
Then again, Sanemi hasn't either. I feel like he's just trying to humiliate me or something. I don't know what it is, or what he's waiting for, or why he can't just find the courage somewhere in that body of his.
I bet our whole junior class knows that Mitsuri and Obanai like each other. Like, what is he waiting for? They are literally perfect for each other. They would make it so far. They will make it so far.

Mitsuri has never directly told me she liked him. I always ask her and she'll never admit it. I know she does. I can't tell if it's that she hasn't made up her mind, she can't make a decision, or the fact that she's embarrassed by it. It possibly could be that she thinks he doesn't like her back. Like he wouldn't receive her love with grace.
What I've heard is that Obanai is thinking about asking Mitsuri out to coffee or the movies. I think a movie is better because if you go out to coffee with someone it's too short and you have to find a ton of things to talk about. Whereas if you go to a movie, you just watch the movie. No talking is needed.

Oh God, how I wish Sanemi could ask me to a movie. Or even coffee would be okay. Anything. I wouldn't even care if he took me to watch a movie full of gore. Well, actually... I would care. I do not want to see that. It grosses me out. It makes me want to retch. I just want more. I want him to be mine. I want him truly mine. Mine and only mine. No one else's.

☆

I'm walking with Mitsuri to lunch. Once we enter the lunch room, I don't see Sanemi in sight. Nowhere. It's quite weird. He only skips lunch when he's having a really bad day or he just doesn't feel like talking to anyone or just looking at them.

I hope he's okay. Whatever it is I wish he would me what it is. Eventually.
Mitsuri and I sit with the others. Obanai, Giyu, my sister, Akio and Isamu. Of course, the entire soccer comes and joins us too. No surprise there.
The entire time they are acting like feral animals. They are throwing food at each other, laughing like hyenas, punching each other and just simply being stupid.
A few of them weren't. They were very serene. Not yelling, not throwing food, not being stupid in general, just very calm and peaceful.
One of them was reading which was a refreshment. At least one of them was still using their brain.
The others. I'm not so sure they even have a brain. They are also very rude for no reason. They kept calling each other names for no actual reason. If someone asked their reasons were, "Because I feel like it," or, "Because he's stupid," sometimes they would just flip each other off.
I don't understand why. I probably never will. I honestly don't think anyone will ever understand why they're such douchebags. Especially to each other. I don't even think they understand themselves.
I'm sitting next to the quiet boy who's reading a book. He seems very invested in it. Something about those pages, that entire book, it makes me drawn to it. Just like I am to Sanemi.
"What are you reading?" I ask the boy casually.
"Huh?" He pops his head up. His expression looks stunned. He also sounded stunned when he spoke. "Oh, it's called The Fault In Our Stars." He responds with stillness in his voice.
"Is it good?" I ask with curiosity.
"Well I haven't finished it but so far it's great. It's really sad though. At least from what I've read and what I've been told."
"So is it worth reading?" I tilt my head to the side.
"Definitely. I think you'd really enjoy it. It seems like something you're into." He says to me with a kind smile like he knows me by heart.
"How do you know what I like?" I ask with a suspecting smile yet a somewhat nervous smile at the same time.
"Because you're the girl everyone likes. The girl that... that everyone finds amusing." He says these kind words to me with such charm. "You're the girl that people watch her every move. You're like a role model. In the best way possible and you're always nice. Even when you have no reason to be." The words that left his mouth hit me like a bus.
I never knew how much of an impact I had. I never knew how kind words could be. How kind a voice could be. Even without the words. This guy is so kind. Why? I'll probably never know but I know he's one of the kindest people I've met. There's this perfect, charming, sweet, guy in front of me and I'm chasing after this guy who wasn't even kind to me when we met. Sanemi laughed at me while this guy is telling me how great I am.

I asked him what his name was. I found out that his name is Kaito. It's a sweet name. He seems like a kind person from just what I've seen so far but you never know what someone's like until you see them when they think they're not being watched.

Mitsuri and I leave the lunchroom early to head to our lockers. We left earlier than usual because we wanted to get our stuff before the rush of students came.
As we walked through the hall, Mitsuri and I were making jokes about one of the teachers. We were laughing as quietly as we could so that none of the teachers hear us because if they did, they would probably give us detention and that was something I was trying to avoid.
Mine and Mitsuri's laughs slow down as we're trying to catch our breath. I'm looking at Mitsuri when her grin becomes a frown. Her steps slow down and she has a look in her eye of betrayal. She comes to a complete stop and just stares.
I can see the fury building up inside her. The anger flowed through her blood. I take a look to see what's got her so angry. What could be so bad to make her this provoked? When I turned to see what it was I couldn't believe my eyes.
Sanemi. Her hand is on the back of his head, fingers in his hair. Her lips on his. Daki. And suddenly I know exactly why she's so enraged. She's angry and I know it. She won't let this go. Never. I don't think I will either. The lips that I thought were mine are now on hers. It's like she's taken ownership of his lips. What was once mine is now hers.

This pain in my heart. The weight on my chest. The feeling of my heart being ripped out and stomped on. It all feels a little too familiar. This pain is a pain that I know by heart. It's just like when my parents died.
It's good one second then the next it doesn't feel like it could be worse. I don't know what's worse. The feeling of knowing someone took the people who've been with you your whole damn life, the people who've loved you from the start, or your first love kicking you to the curb when he promised he wouldn't.
The pain of pure betrayal has now been laid on my chest and I don't think it'll go away. Am I really just a game? Something that people can toy with? I had a feeling I would feel this way that's why I questioned starting something with him in the first place I tried to put up walls around me tall enough so I wouldn't feel this way yet here I am, feeling the way I tried not to.

A teacher sees us still and gives us detention anyway. I don't even care at this point. I just want to know when people will stop hurting me when they get the chance. When will I be free from hurt?

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W/C|1599

Today I just cried for like 30 minutes because a bunch of my friends are leaving my school and we all started to cry. Today was my last day. My last day to see them. It made me cry big time. Anyway, have a good rest of your day and I hope you guys didn't cry as much as I did. I love you guys!! <33 byeeee!!

𝓣𝓻𝓾𝓵𝔂 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓮 ☆ 𝑺𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒌𝒂𝒏𝒂