𝓣𝓻𝓾𝓵𝔂 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓮 ☆ 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐤𝐚𝐧𝐚

~𝑭𝒂𝒖𝒍𝒕~

°•☆•°☆°•☆•°☆°•☆•°☆°•☆•°☆°•☆•°☆°•

Usually, I have only good stuff to say. Today I have every "stuff" except for good stuff. It feels like I've hit rock bottom. People say, "The only way left to go is up," and in their case, they might be right but in mine, they're not. Somehow I'll probably find a way to dig myself a deeper hole. I don't know if it's possible but I'll end up finding a way. It's inevitable.
I hate that I put my trust in him. My first real love. Of course, I had loved other boys and dated them too but they never felt so intense, so real. It felt real for a small amount of time and I liked it. We weren't dating but at the same time, it felt like we were.
What hurts the most is that I don't even hate him. I don't resent him one bit. I loathe myself more than I do him. I put myself in a vulnerable position and that's on me. I got a little too comfortable a little too early. Maybe it was a lot of a bit too early. That's my own fault, not his. I'm the one at fault. I'm the one to blame for my own heartache. I just didn't know it would hurt so bad. I didn't know it could hurt badly.

☆

I'm on the phone with Mitsuri and we're talking about our life problems when she hits me with the question that you say to someone you haven't talked to in three years. "How are you?" She says to me like she's trying to lead me to what she wants to say. She's not really asking about how I am she's more trying to tell me something over anything.
"Um... I'm doing okay." I say in a soft tone.
She hesitates, "Sanemi-wise," She feels bad about asking. I can tell just by the way she says it.
"Oh... well... I haven't spoken a word to him." I pause to gather my thoughts, "And I'm not sure I want to." I finish.
"I should've warned you." She says in a way that concerns me, "I knew he would treat you trash."
"What do you mean by that?" I ask, lowering my eyebrows.
"Well, I mean his past relationships." She responds.
"Yeah? What about them?" I ask her.
She can feel regret as she talks to me. I'm not sure how but I can just sense it through the phone. "He's only had four semi-serious relationships." She sighs, "None of them ended well. One, he cheated on her with her best friend. Two of them, he just plainly cheated on them, and once they found out he dumped them like they meant nothing. The last was all sex. Nothing else was there. He got bored with her and dumped her too."
I feel this weight on my chest. I never knew about this. Why didn't I know about this?
She continues, "Not including all the girls he just slept with and probably told them that he'd call them back but never did." She's annoyed just talking about him according to her tone. "That's what jocks do."
I feel stupid. I always shut down when I feel defeated. My defense mode turns on. I'm still in love with him. Why? I have no clue. I want to hate him but I just don't. I can't. I for some odd reason can't handle her talking badly about him.
"What about Obanai? He's a jock." I say invidiously.
"I-"
"I mean how can you talk shit about him when Obanai could easily be doing the same thing. You just don't know." I rarely cuss. I hate cussing. I felt uneasy saying but it felt like the right word.
"Are you seriously defending him?!" I made her angry. "You know what? Call me back when you grow up and realize he's just a bastard who doesn't care about you or anyone else!" She hung up. Why did I have to say those things to her? How stupid can I be? Like I said, I would dig myself a hole deeper. I've succeeded.

☆

Shinobu is chewing as is Kanao and Aoi. Kanao and Aoi have been talking. Aoi mostly but Kanao will chime in once in a while. It's been pretty quiet. Shinobu hasn't let a word leave her mouth.
I break the silence, "What is it?" Shinobu looks up from her plate. "What's wrong?"
"It's going to end badly. Even if it works out it won't stay that way for long." Shinobu always speaks her mind. That's what I most admire about her but sometimes it puts her in situations that she doesn't want to be in.
"How do you even know?" She's now put a bitter taste in my tongue. I don't know why I keep getting set off like this.
"It doesn't matter."
"It's not your business anyway."
She sighs, "I hate seeing you hurt." She doesn't look at me. She's trying to look anywhere but in my eyes. "He's an ass."
"Don't cuss. It's not good."
"Fine...but you know I'm right."
I don't want to admit it but she might be right. "Maybe," I say, almost like a whisper. "Sorry." I apologize.
"It's okay." She finishes the last bit of food on her plate. "I'm finished. I'm going to go lie down."
"Okay," I say.
"Goodnight." We all say in unison to her.
"Do you need me to wake you up for school tomorrow?" I ask.
"Please?" I nod. "Thank you!" She pipes hopping up the stairs.
I look at Aoi and Kanao. "You guys too?" Both nod simultaneously. "Okay then," I respond.

Soon enough the girls are done too. They have both headed off to bed. I'm sitting at the table, on my phone, staring at his contact in my phone. Why did I have to lower my walls so far?

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W/C|1061

Are you guys excited for summer because I'm very very excited. I'm free. I want to thank all of you for all the support you guys have provided! I can not believe we already have seven votes on the last chapter!! Thank you guys so so so much!! Ok, ima go to bed goodnight!!!!<3
Guys if you have you chance to read this girl's story please do!!!<3 Becca_1226

𝓣𝓻𝓾𝓵𝔂 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓮 ☆ 𝑺𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒌𝒂𝒏𝒂