The Grey

Chapter 12 - I Can't Do This

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Nicks P.O.V

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Marnie looks great as I sit across from her at dinner. Her short dark hair in waves, her dress fits her perfectly she's obviously spent a lot of time getting ready, her eyes kind, her smile too.

I can't do this.

It seems wrong.

The more I think about each time we've met the more I realise she seems to ask questions about the band, where we're headed, what's next and not about me. Maybe I'm reading into it too much. Maybe I'm looking for a way out but it feels wrong. I think she's searching for something in me that I can't give her and I'm looking for something in her that I know she can't deliver.

"I've had fun... do you wanna come back to mine?" Marnie asks and smile gently at her.

"I think I better head home, I'm not feeling too good actually." I'm a fucking liar. I just want this to end and I don't know how to stop it when it's already gone this far. Marnie shuffles uncomfortably in her seat at my statement but I really can't entertain this anymore.

"Thats a shame, I really enjoy spending time with you." She tells me and I know she sees right through my bullshit. "But if you're unwell I understand..."

"Sorry Marnie. Let me drive you home."

"It's fine Nick. Get yourself home, you're unwell. I'll talk to you later." Marnie says harshly, her words laced with spite.

"I'll message you." I smile sheepishly getting up to leave and settle the bill.

"Sure." She bluntly replies arms crossed her face sour. I'm hesitant on how to say goodbye, hovering at the table for a moment. "Goodbye Nick." Marnie hisses and I take my leave.

Clearly it's done and I probably handled it the worst way I could.

                                                 *

The door slams behind me as I walk into the house. It's way too quiet with everyone out and Noah and Margo obviously upstairs in bed making the most of having the house to themselves.

I walk into the kitchen and pour myself a glass of water, leaning against the counter wishing I had been better with Marnie.

I know I need to give Sadie up. It isn't fair on myself to keep pining after someone that's so out of reach.

"Hey. You good?" Noah asks as he walks into the kitchen with nothing but his shorts on.

"Did I disturb something." I smirk at Noah as he leans on the island across from me, arms crossed against his chest.

"Possibly. You good? Our door still in tact?" Noah chuckles and I shake my head.

"Yeah, I didn't mean for it to slam as hard as it did. I'm just frustrated, sorry."

"It's okay bro. What's up? talk to me."

"I think I possibly ended that date in the pretty shitty way." I groan taking another sip of water.

"What happened?" Noah asks concern written all over his face.

"Fuck, I don't know. I don't know if it's me. If it was her. Something wasn't right. I told her I wasn't well and left. She clearly knew I was lying. I don't know though Noah, I feel bad. I really wanted it to work but the more we hung out the more I was paying for things, the more she seemed to show interest in the band rather than me." I explain keeping my Sadie a secret.

I hear footsteps on the stairs turning to face the noise.

"Noah?.. you okay?... you good?" Mars standing awkwardly in the doorways unsure whether to come into the kitchen or not.

"Yeah baby, I'll be a second." Noah smiles at her, his expression softening at the sight of his girlfriend. These two are gonna get married I fucking call it. She smiles kindly then turning to leave.

"Hey Mar, I need a girls opinion." I say and she turns back to us.

"Sure..." She shuffles over to where we're standing, propping herself up on the counter legs crossed. "What's up? Your date go well?"

I'm being sneaky, I wanna know if Sadie's mentioned me at all to Margo. I need some indication that she's thinking about me. I need something before I decide to just let it go.

"Yeah, it went really well. Until it didn't. I'm just worried. I think that she might just like me for the fact I'm in the band." I half lie.

"Why do you think that? Has she done or said something that makes you think that way or are you worried about getting too close?" Margo asks as Noah busies himself with making us all tea, something he's picked up on since dating Margo.

"I don't know... I've always paid for stuff yanno without even thinking, like we're on a date I'll pay..." I explain and Margo nods politely for me to continue. "Something about me going away and us not talking at all and then when I come back she's wanting to meet.  I don't know it feels weird. When I saw her today it felt weird, not a good weird. It was still a good date but something was off and I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it was me, maybe I'm over thinking it or maybe I'm right. I don't know Mar." I tell her and she sips her tea whilst she thinks. I glance over at Noah who is looking at me with a quizzical expression as he sighs looking into his mug. He knows I'm not being completely truthful.

"Nick if it feels weird and not a good weird, trust your gut. If you think you're nervous sit on it for a few days and revisit it. It doesn't need to happen in one night." Margo tells me gently.

"I just see how happy you guys are and I want that." I explain looking between the both of them.

"Bro it'll happen." Noah says giving me a hug. Seconds later I feel a second pair of arms wrapping around me, Margo. Eventually they let go of me after what feels like five minutes too long.

"Night guys, I'm off to bed. I appreciate you both." I tell them picking up my tea that Noah made making my way to my room.

Once I close my room door behind me I pull out my phone scrolling through my contacts until I land on Marnie. It isn't fair to let her think this is something when it's clearly not. I delete her number and throw myself back onto my bed.

If it's that easy to delete Marnie why is it so difficult to get rid of Sadie.