The Grey

Chapter 21 - I'm Scared

*

Nicks P.O.V

*

We've had 2 more official dates, not that we're telling anyone or that I'm keeping count. The more we hang out the more dates we have, the more I'm confused by Sadie.

The boys, Margo and I are due to leave for another tour in a few days time and I haven't even been able to think about it leaving it almost entirely up to Noah, Jolly and Folio. I have other things on my mind.

Sadie.

"Are you gonna come with us? On tour I mean. You're gonna come, right?" I blurt the words out as we walk up the trail to the see Hollywood Sign, something that Sadie has been desperate to do for ages now, nagging me almost every day.

"Huh?" She stops walking her brows furrow behind her sunglasses. She looks so fucking good in her black leggings and inky blue cami sports top that I'm finding it hard to stop my mind from wandering. "Am I allowed to? I'm not gonna lie I thought I'd be house sitting for you guys whilst you were away." She replies pushing up her sunglasses her blue eyes piercing mine.

"No, I'd like you to come. We'd hardly expect you to stay at home and look after the house. C'mon, just come with us. It'll be fun." I try to play it off cool but I want her to come for me. I want her to come because that selfish part of me wants her to see me on stage, I want her to support me, I want to spend every single fucking minute with her.

That's why I'm on this stupid hike that I would NEVER fucking do for myself. Hell I wouldn't even do it if the guys asked me to, but I'm here my calves on fucking fire, sweating buckets for a girl who is sending my brain into overdrive.

"Okay... if you're sure." She replies taking a sip from her water bottle. I nod quickly then turning round to continue up the trail. I can't help the massive smile that's spread across my face. I don't want her to see. I still have no idea what this is or what we're doing and don't want to get too ahead of myself.

I think I'm more scared of being let down than she is. She's so confident and assertive, knowing what she wants and I fucking love it. I love that about her because once she lets you in you know she's so soft but not everyone gets to see that. Only some, and being one of the some makes me feel a certain type of way that's indescribable.

"Hey Nick, can we take a photo?" She calls after me. I turn to her brushing the few strands of hair that have escaped from my hair tie out of my face so I can look at her properly.

"Of us?" I'm finding it hard to keep a lid on my excitement.

"Duh." She replies with a big smile as she walks up to me. "Please."

"Sure." I smile back at her and we step aside of the path to take a couple of pictures. Some on Sadie's phone then some on mine. I snap the last picture on my phone where she plants a kiss on my cheek capturing the very real smile that's spread across my face.

"Oooh! That one's so cute please send me it." Sadie smiles at the photo and I forward pictures onto her. "Do you come up here much?" Sadie asks as we continue up through the trail.

"Hardly ever actually. I think this is the second time I've done it. Obviously when I first moved here it felt like a must so Noah and I came up here. It was a really insane experience we were so eager and ready to take everything on. It was so fucking surreal. Still is."

*

Sadie's P.O.V

*

We stand there in comfortable silence, Nicks arm slung over my shoulder, my arm around his waist. The views insane. There really is no other way to describe it apart from surreal.

The longer I'm here the more I'm falling in love with L.A and the more I'm falling for Nick. Each day it's becoming harder and harder to not cave to my emotions. To not show him how I really feel. Sometimes I think he sees right through it, right through hard exterior that I've created for myself.

"Do you think you'll be here forever?" I ask looking to him.

"Forever is a long time." He says matter of factly looking out to the view. I can't take my eyes off of him willing for him to look back at me. "No... I don't think so but for here now is good. Where do you wanna go next?" He finally turns to me his eyes lock with my own. I could get lost looking into those eyes forever.

"I don't know, maybe Canada since I'm here. If not might just hop across Europe see where it takes me. Maybe I could go see my dad in Dublin we don't have the best relationship though."

"You don't talk about your dad much." Nick says turning out to look at the view. I don't know what to say.

"Yeah, I mean he's my but he never bothered too much with me when my mammy and him divorced. There's a relationship it's just strained. Seeing Europe seems much more appealing so I'll probably go for that one and see him at the end of the summer. I don't know..." Nick nods in reply taking my hand in his.

"Thats a bit shitty of your dad." He looks sad as I shrug my shoulders. "We're going on a tour in Europe." Nick continues.

"That'll be fun for you guys. When?"

"End of June until end of August. Give or take." He swallows hard looking back to me. "I mean, if you're hopping around Europe at the same time you could tag along?"

"Woah woah. Let's do one tour at a time." I joke making him blush. "Maybe though, we'll see Nicholas."

"Sade, what are we doing?" Nick asks me with a sigh.

"We're dating Nick that's what we're doing." I don't know what to tell him because I don't have any idea either. I don't know how this is going to go or for how much longer it will continue.

"Mhmm.. well how do you think our dates are going so far?" Nick smiles at me, it's forced though.

I know he wants me to tell him how I feel. It's like we're both doing this dance around our feelings, neither one of us willing just yet to tell the other the truth. It's almost as if we don't address it it'll never come to an end. Whatever this is I want to drag it out for as long as I can. Selfish of me I know but I want to keep Nick for myself until I no longer can.

"I think they're going great. How do you think that they're going?"

"I think so too. I think you're fucking amazing Sadie."

"If only you knew how I felt about you." I sigh speaking aloud without meaning to.

"So tell me, show me... please." He squeezes my hand.

"I'm scared."

"Me too."