Worship And Other Love Rituals

Prologue

I had brought along my old fishing gear hoping some time by the lake might lift my dreary spirits. But as I looked out at the calm water, I only felt heavier. All around me, trees shuddered in the breeze, their leaves whispering as if discussing my pathetic state.

"I know, I know," I said. "Even you lot have better things to do than watch me mope." But mope I did, slumped on the shore like one of dead tree trunks scattered about. You'd think with all the nature surrounding me, I might find some hint of renewal. Alas, my mood was a dumpy rain cloud refusing to budge.

You know things have gotten real bad when even the idea of fishing with your son no longer lifts your spirits. As I sat alone by the lake where Leo and I had spent many afternoons trying our luck, my mood could hardly have been more foul. At only 28, I was beginning to feel like an old, broken-down vessel just waiting at the dock to be decommissioned.

I thought of Pastor Bob's sermon from Sunday, his peppy voice booming about God's strength.

'So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.'

"Ha!" I blurted to the fish. "Some strength - He couldn't even bolster my algebra grade or save my marriage. The big guy's lost his touch if you ask me."

Sighing, I casted my line into the water, though my heart wasn't in it. The lake merely stared back, as mournful and dull as myself.

They say quitters never prosper, but believe me when I tell you nobody prospers when burdened by the kind of darkness I was wrestling with that day.

A little blasphemous, I admit. But in my bleak state, God seemed more myth than truth. I needed real help, not empty promises. Just then, a splashing snapped me from my gloomy pondering. Across the way, two ducks scrambled on the shore, quacking and flapping as if in a feud. Their ridiculous display almost made me chuckle, but then a dark thought struck - what if even ducks found more joy in life than me? The horror!

That's when the real madness set in.

In a moment of what can only be described as delirium, I decided the lake would be as good a place as any to end it all. Now tossing my gear aside, stripping nude, and wading in was surely the act of a woman who had taken complete leave of her senses.

Submerging fully, I held my breath and screwed my eyes shut, waiting for the calm, I thought death might bring. It did not.

And wouldn't you know it, within seconds of submerging myself I was already having second thoughts. Some survival instinct had clearly kicked in too late. I thrashed about helplessly, cursing my own foolishness.

Through the murkiness, I saw a strange apparition emerge - a glowing figure not entirely human. For a fleeting instant I dared to wonder, could it be?

Is this you, at last, God? Or could it be...no, it can't. But those eyes, that face - it's him.

~