The throne's keeper.

SNIPPET.

I hope this finds you well, I know it's been a while since our last post and I have so dearly missed you all and getting to write again, but due to the chaos of my life offlate I've had to take a break more than intended , I haven't been able to find the time to get back into writing again but I do however come bearing a little something for you today, a little something to keep your toes on edge and to give you something to look forward too and something to spark a little bit of that curiosity.

With lots of love.

Rea ❤

Enjoy.

Khwezikazi.

Father places his legs over his knee and he brushes against his notepad a few times before he stares at us again.

"Now... let's start from the beginning, what's brought you both here ?"
He asks pursed lips and ocean blue eyes that wait for an answer.

I release a sigh as I run my thumb over the cravesses where I had dug my nails into and I look at Father Cota again trying to figure out how best I can summarize our whole situation, trying to come up with a sensible explanation where it doesn't sound crazy because it's been established at this point that Sanele and I are bad for each other more especially since these past few months have passed, we've seen sides of each other that have proven just how much it's dangerous for us to be together ,we bring out the animals in each other that disgust us at each sight.

I still remember Kabos words when she found me on the floor and our penthouse a mess. Glass shards everywhere and the living room torn apart, Sanele dissappeard on me and I went ballistic, I stil remember the words she said to me before I chased her out with a golf club I wasn't aware that she wont accept my careless Ness but that she will be horrified by it, the one person that did so I almost hurt beyond anything... she said that the throne isn't worth me losing myself for it, the sacrifices I've made for it, nobody will ever make again.

He sighs next to me and he presses down on his palm till it turns a pale white, something I've learned he does out of anxiety.

"So we are all going to be quiet ?"
Father asks as he let's out a chuckle before he puts down his pen.

"I understand just how scary this can get especially at this point of your marriage, divorce counseling is usually a very tedious process but because I officiated this marriage it's my duty to try help you reconsider because I'd like to believe that when we met in this room three years ago we hadnt any intentions of this marriage ending..."

He says and I give him a small nod before I cear my throat.

"I thought so too... but we've both come to a point where we've had to accept the situation that our marriage is in... we're not good for each other."
I start and Father smiles as he starts to lean on his knees.

"Define not good."

"Our marriage is toxic."

Sanele answers next to me and I look at him now.

"And who's fault is that ?"
Father asks.

"I think it's mostly my fault."

"In what way would you say that is ?"

"I didn't quiet give her a good example of what it means to have a healthy relationship. I've enabled... certain habits."

He confesses before I look away from him and I stare back at father Cotta.

I think he's done a pretty decent job thus far, although our marriage has gone to shit but a part of me still believes that he can still save us, I just need him to say the right words again.
It's almost as if he's given up on our marriage and I am in no position to beg, I've done too much of that and he's done his fair share, at this point I think we've both reached a point where we are both just exhausted and if you ask me exhaustion is the most scariest phase because you never know if you might move on from it again.

Father stares at me with an encouraging stare waiting to say my part on how I've gotten us to this point.

I don't know what to tell him.

"I think my part in this was enabling our toxic cycles ... this is something that Sanele and I both know... I don't think people like us need to be together."
I tell him honestly and he grows an intrigued stare.

"What kind of people are you ?"

He asks.

And I don't know how to answer him, I don't know what to say to him and I don't know where I would begin if I would explain this and neither does this man besides me.

Two years ago we set on this very same Sofa, entering into this very same marriage that we are trying to get out of.

I knew he was crazy the moment our eyes met, the moment I realized that my heart wouldn't beat for myself anymore but for him, the moment I realised how much his intoxicating love was the only thing I'd ever need, the moment I submitted to him without him ever touching me, I knew he was crazy then and so was I and knew just like I've come to realise how dangerous our love would soon grow.

We both have scars, some I found him with and some he's had since us, the blood on his hands, the blood on my hands, our fractured minds and thurst for each other, the animal he continues to provoke inside of me, his addiction to it and his ability to tame it like it isn't me.

He's like a fire that continues to burn ever so eternally and i am the fuel that continues to feed into it. I've gotten burnt at the hands of this fire countless of times, but together we've burnt down everything around us all for the sake of our love.

I don't know how to answer Father, but i hope Sanele has a better answer for him, he always has better answers.

I look at him again and I realise just how crazy inlove I still am with him and I can see that he's also still so crazy inlove with me but we're also human at the end of the day, nobody deserves to live the way we both have.