A Tale of a Boy and His Flower

Freedom

"Can I sit?" 

His head lifted as he heard Katniss' voice. he nodded to her question as she gestured to the other side of his cot in the bomb shelter. 

After Peeta's warning, district 13 had gone into the shelter bunker as missiles were dropped above them. Everyone was trying to get sleep but he couldn't. He was kept awake by his thoughts. He could never sleep. 

Katniss noticed his absent mind. 

"Snow is using them to punish you," she whispered, "He's taunting us with them. I didn't understand until just now watching that stupid cat." 

She glanced back at where kids who were still awake were messing around with Prim's cat. They shined a flashlight on the wall to make it chase the beam. A game to entertain themselves. 

Finnick didn't care to look over. He felt himself start to shake as the thoughts of what their loved ones were experiencing. He inhaled a breath and forced himself to talk. 

"After your first games, I thought the whole romance was an act. We all expected you to continue that strategy," he admitted, "It wasn't until Peeta's heart stopped and you knew he died that I knew I'd misjudged you."

He looked over at Katniss and locked eyes with her. 

"You love him."  

She turned away instantly, refusing to accept the truth that she denied.

"I'm not saying in what way...maybe you don't even know yourself. But anyone paying attention can see it." He said. 

She let out a quiet exhale and her eyes unfocused as she got lost in her own thoughts. "How do you live with it?"  

He wanted to tell the truth. He wanted to admit to her how he wasn't living; what he felt was worse than dying. But he lied for her sake not his. 

"I drag myself out of nightmares and there's no relief in waking up. But...it's better not to give into it." 

Tears brimmed his eyes as she looked over.   

"It takes ten times longer to put yourself back together than it does to fall apart." He scoffed and shook his head, "And trust me, I want to fall apart. Every time I see Amaryllis on the screen a part of me dies. That part wishes that I could've saved her or traded places. That part wishes that she'd keep lying so that she could be safe." 

A small part that wishes she had just died so her pain would end. 

He sniffled and Katniss placed a hand on his knee as he wiped the tears. "They're getting worse each time," he stated, "They didn't even bother hiding what they're doing to her; how much they're hurting her. They don't even care."

He turned to her. 

"He's going to kill her Katniss. He's going to kill them all." 

A choked cry slipped past his lips before he got up. Katniss tried to reach out for him but he was already too far gone.  He was trying to find a place where he could be alone but that proved nearly impossible in the cramped bunker. 

That's when he ran into Zach. He hadn't seen much of Amaryllis's mentor but Finnick hadn't exactly been travelling outside his room much. He gestured for him to follow him and Finnick was too tired to disagree. 

Zach led him to the command center. Where everyone seemed to be in a deep debate and discussion. Except Katniss wasn't present. 

"What's going on?" He asked. He looked at the older man next to him for an explanation.