A Tale of a Boy and His Flower

Depression

I wake in a hospital. 

The smell of burnmedicine from the arena fills me with panic. But then I realize they are applying it to me. In the dazzling white Capitol hospital, the doctors work their magic on me. Draping my rawness in new sheets of skin. I'm told I'm lucky. Others had it much worse. Katniss had it much worse. 

I think I've died when I see Zach walk in with Haymitch. Haymitch isn't smiling. Zach smiles as he takes a seat next to me. 

"How are you feeling?" Zach asks me. I look from him to Haymitch. 

"Am I dead?" 

"Unfortunately you survived." Haymitch says. 

"Is he dead?" I glance over at Zach. 

"I was let go moments after the bombs." He says, "I pulled you from the wreckage." 

Zach is alive. I'm alive. 

I should be happy. 

"Bombs...they dropped those parachutes on children..." I remembered what had happened. 

"The Capitol fell the day the parachutes went off, President Coin leads Panem now, and troops have been sent out to put down the small remaining pockets of Capitol resistance." 

"Snow?" 

"He's being held prisoner, awaiting trial and most certain execution."

I take a moment to take it all in. Panem is free now. Snow will be killed. The Capitol is ours. The war is over...we won.

 "What about our squad?" 

Zach sucks in a breath before speaking. "Cressida and Pollux have been sent out into the districts to cover the wreckage of the war. Gale, took two bullets in an escape attempt from Peackeepers, is mopping up rest of them in 2. Peeta and Katniss are still in the burn unit." 

I can do nothing but nod. 

Having no work, grief buries me. 

Eventually, I'm released from the hospital and given a room in the president's mansion to live in. Without Finnick, it falls to Zach to check on me,make sure I'm eating and using my medicines.  It's not an easy job.

 I take to my old habits for coping. Wandering unauthorized through the mansion. Into bedrooms and offices, ballrooms and baths. Seeking strange little hiding spaces. A closet of furs. A cabinet in the library. A long-forgotten bathtub in a room of discarded furniture. My places are dim and quiet and impossible to find. 

I curl up, make myself smaller, try to disappear entirely. Wrapped in silence, I slide my bracelet that reads mentally disoriented around and around my wrist. 

They told me to repeat words when I'm confused. For once I listen.

My name is Amaryllis Odair. I am 22 years old. My home is District 10. I survived the games and capitol torture. I am the youngest victor. I brought down the Capitol. President Snow hates me. He killed my brother. He killed my mother. He killed my mentor. He killed Finnick. Now I will kill him. And then the Hunger Games will be over....

The time draws near, although I could not give you exact hours and minutes. President Snow has been tried and found guilty, sentenced to execution. Zach tells me, I hear talk of it as I drift past the guards in the hallways. 

Periodically, I find myself back in my room. Today was one of those days. I'm sitting on the edge of the bed when the door opens. I don't have to glance up to know who it is. The only person who ever visits me.