Save Me..

Insecurities

Dev's POV

"We didn't have a healthy relationship."

I took a sip from the cup, and noticed Vani from the corner of my eyes. She was still looking down, and.. suddenly, a thought hit my mind.

I just met her few hours ago. Should I say so much?

"And?" She looked at me when I didn't continue.

"And.. we had a.. few fights sometimes." I looked down and sipped my coffee again. She looked at me with concern in her eyes. "Dev? You ok?" She asked me looking at me, I could feel her stare at me. I sighed, deciding how to continue. I shook my head and sighed again.

"I.. just my head hurts a bit.. you know."

"Oh, sorry, I'm just.. ugh, sorry sorry." She got up from the bed putting her cup down and walked at the window, looking outside. I looked at the back of her head while she pondered at the window for a while. "Oh God, I didn't realise it was so late!" She suddenly blurted out.

"Oh, what time is it.." I checked my phone for the time and it glowed as 1:53 AM. I got up from the bed, and walked towards her, keeping a distance. "Well, seems we got a bit late." I smiled weakly and looked at her back.

"Yeah. I should.. I should be going. My parents will get worried." She walked back and through the door of my room. I followed behind her towards the couch. She picked up her purse and smiled at me, bringing her hand forward. "Well! It's nice to meet you Dev."

I placed my hands on the sides of my waist and sighed smiling at her. "Yeah. Umm, thank you for staying by, Vani." I clasped her hand with mine and gave a curt nod to her. It seemed awkward but I had so far forgotten how to behave with a lady who's actually nice to me, without being insecure or doubtful or scared.

"I.. I guess we'll see each other again?" She smiled while walking back. I gave her a nod and right when she was about to turn, I opened my mouth and "Wait! Umm.. it's late at night, can I.. drop you home?"

"But, you don't have a.. how will you come back?" Her fingers fidgeted with the purse as she looked at me. I opened my mouth to say something but, decided to stay with my thoughts to myself.

It's already been gone under the filtration of insecurities, so I probably can't blurt out every thought. Since my childhood, I trust people easily. Sometimes it helps but most of the time, it just backfired. So, what if she also just listened to my story and decided to get along with it, someday in future we'll be friends, and someday she'd hit me with my insecurities at an argument. I'll feel hurt, she'll leave, we'll lose our friendship and yeah, fuck it all.

I'm an overthinker too, did I say earlier?

"Yeah.. well, can I.. ask for your num..ber?" I bit my lips just as soon as I spoke it out. But then continued with a "I mean.. I just, wanna check if you.. arrived safe."

"Uh, oh.. yeah yeah, sure!" She smiled at me and looked down at her feet, while I yanked my phone out of the pocket. She chanted her ten digits, and I followed through. "Vanya.. Singh. Done, I'll text you ok?"

"Don't text me, umm.." she darted her eyes here and there and looked at me, opening her mouth and closing it again. "Umm, my.. family, they'd doubt about something else."

I nodded my head and darted my pupils lower at my feet. "Yeah well.. so, I can call you now and you can take my number? Then.. text me when you arrive?" She smiled weakly and slowly it grew into a big smile. As I called her, the English song HOLD ON hit on the ring. She let it ring three times and then cut the call.

"I'll text you Dev. Don't worry, ok?" She smiled and lifted her hand, waving it in a quick "Bye!"

"Yeah! Bye Vani!" I quickly returned her gesture as she walked towards the elevator. I turned back at my hall and facepalmed myself.

Dammit! Dammit dammit dammit!!

I was such an idiot. I didn't walk her to the elevator, nor did I cook for her. Instead she put band-aid on me and she helped me get a handle of myself again. She came here as my guest and when I should be the one caring for her, she had to do that. Dammit! What the fuck is wrong with me and my fucking thoughts!!

Stupid fucking panic attacks!

I closed the door, didn't bother to lock the bolt. I sat down on the couch, and inhaled, exhaling with an even faster blow. I guess I am just insecure about my past but.. telling someone everything just at the first meet is not what even a child would do. Am I losing my senses and becoming duller than a toddler? I bashed myself inside my head for my stupidity and my insecurities. Then I got up and walked back to my bedroom, where the coffee mugs still sit by the side. When I noticed the folded clothes on the bed side, I looked at the chair where my today's work clothes still were laying.

She folded my clothes which I've neglected for so long. I thought it would be an injustice and cruel decision if I just chose to do it again. So instead, I walked up to the chair, picking up my clothes and went inside the bathroom to dip them in the bucket with detergent, that's when I heard the calling bell, and quickly dipped them in the dry bucket, coming out of the bathroom and opening the door.

In front of me was standing Vanya, biting her lips looking embarassed and pointing her finger towards the table at the hall. I looked back and noticed the key of her car, I turned back and took the key, walking back to her.

"Well.. goodnight Vani, do call or text me, if you can?" She smiled at me, and nodded her head. I moved forward a bit, dropping the key on her hand. Just when my finger brushed the heel of her palm, I felt a tingle in me. I quickly drew my hand back, and she did the same after clasping her fingers close around the key.

She shook her hand sideways quickly giving a goodbye, and ran away before I could return it.

My mouth was gaped open from the small touch and I didn't realise it until I passed the tv and the black screen showed my reflection.

What The Fuck is wrong with you??