Save Me..

Mistakes

Dev's POV

"The number you have dialed is currently busy. Please call again later.. aap jis number se.."

This is the third time I've called in a row. I guess, some promises are just not meant to be fulfilled. The silence of my life, caused by some deep incidents.. I do not know what I did wrong, where it went in vain..

In my 22 years old life, I've never felt I need to take a big step in my life. Of course, regrets are there, everyone have regrets. I know, maybe, my silence was the mistake. Maybe what I thought is a good thing I'm doing, remaining silent, smiling, joking around when I didn't know I was the joke.

Above the bridge, it feels like the wind is helping me hold my tears in. Hitting right at my face, well.. even if I tried, I couldn't very much cry. Why? Am I numb? Am I not feeling anything? Was the feeling gone when I found out.. that my 5 years of love has been just.. just..

I tried to shove off the memories.. how I opened the door.. how I saw the pair of men sandals.. how the flowers fell off my hand.. how I walked with trembling feet.. towards her room.. seeing her.. naked.. under.. that man.. that bastard.. that rascal.. that..

I felt moist in my eyes. I was breathing heavily already, the last bit of hope had left me when I tried to call home. Apparently, noone was free enough to pick up my calls. I am shattered.. beyond repair, beyond feelings.. beyond everything..

I.. Devraj Bose.. senior engineer of Architecture in a MNC.. gave up my heart for her, for.. for.. her! And.. fuck! FUCK!! FUUUUUCK!!!

I wiped my eyes, with the back of my hand, my left hand.. cuz right one was already bleeding from when I punched the window of the man's car, which stood outside of Divya's house. Taking it out, I looked at the charming smile, once again.. how.. how beautiful it looks. It hurts to look at it, hurts thinking what we could've been. What I had dreamt about, whatever I had felt..

Why did you do this babe.. what did I do wrong.. what was the fault.. why baby? Why..?

I wish I was alcoholic, I really wish I was.. cuz if I was, I would've been stronger in this situation. I would drink and drink and drink.. until I forgot. Can I forget? Will I be able to forget, even if I jump from here? To the depth of the river just.. two hundred feets? Maybe?

I looked around one last time.. maybe Vivek would call back, maybe he'd see that there are three missed calls. Images started to come in my head..

Hi! I'm Divya Sharma, College is hard you know.. I've heard you're good in studies, wanna help? I need to cover this entire thing..

Dev.. I think I like you. Do you.. do you have someone in mind?

Hahahaha! You're soooo cute! Why aren't there guys like you anymore?

I love you babe..

I love you babe.. I love you babe.. I lov-

AAAAAAH!!

I shouted, gripping my hair hard.. tears already started to roll down my eyes. Am I going insane? Can't I even commit suicide like a normal person! Is it this.. this.. hard!!!

"Fuuuuuck!!! Stop!! Don't torture me anymore! I've made a mistake! Galti kardi maine tumse pyaar karke.. tumse.. tum.."

I sat down on my knees.. the pain is shooting through my head, I could feel it.. Either I end my life now, or this will haunt me forever in my life.

I looked at my right knuckles, bleeding. How romantic I found movies where boys would fill the partition with their blood.. But.. this? This was not how I imagined, this was not what I thought of love.

I thought love was beautiful, is it even a thing? Is it even worth it?? Was I this unlucky? I've never lacked in studies, did my best to secure a decent job in the fields of Engineers. I sure have fears to be in medical, but I did not.. I DID NOT DESERVE THIS!!

I've made a mistake.. Love is nothing, it's not a feeling, it's not beautiful.. it's the worst, the worst feeling, the biggest mistake.

I looked at my phone again. 8:11 PM. Maa should be calling about.. twenty minutes later. And, papa.. he would call me, to ask if I've eaten..

How, how can I face this.. how can I tell maa, the heart she brought up with so much care for 9 months, then made me a man.. 22 years of care, and I shattered my heart in just, a moment.

I don't know how long Divya was doing this scandal. She never told me anything, never said a thing about what she doesn't feel is right between us. She wasn't comfortable with me going out with friends, I lost them for her. She didn't want me to keep any female companionship, I did it too. Just.. give me one reason why I deserve this.

The moon shone bright, bathing me with its smoothness. Maybe the nature would welcome me, when I fall down there, maybe they won't cheat me..

Sorry maa, sorry papa, I couldn't keep my heart that you both brought up with so much care..

Vivek, me haar gya yaar.. tu akele hi ghumne jaana abse.. Tera bhai nhi ayega.. Bhai ne mistake kardi. Bohut badi wali..