The New Farmer in Town (ShanexFemaleReader)

Chapter 9: Unexpected Sleepover

It's the middle of summer now. The fields are full of tomatoes, blueberries, melons and hot peppers. You probably have about an acre of field that are all crops now. You've been working your butt off to get the extra funds for the seeds and sprinklers. You sit on the porch and admire your little farm. You can hear the couple of chickens you have clunking in the distance. You was debating about going fishing today but decide you really should just rest. You think about how Marnie, Jas, and Shane are doing. Shane hasn't talked to you much since the dance. You feel a bit heartbroken over it but you try not to let it bother you. You've had a harvest of hot peppers already and sent them to Shane via the mail. He hasn't said anything about them but Marnie says he's been making hot pepper poppers everyday after work. You hope Shane knows that you care for him with those peppers.

As much as you want to put him from your head, you can't. You let out a frustrated sigh. You know why you can't stop thinking about him. You like him. For some odd reason. You like Shane. Out of everyone in town, you want him. You don't understand the appeal you have for him. But then again, maybe you do. Your partner was never an alcoholic or addicted to anything at that, but they suffered from severe depression like Shane. Are you just drawn to him because of that? You hoped not. That would be kind of selfish on your part. You should want Shane for him not because he reminds you have your partner. 

You get up and go inside. You have a strong urge to get your partner's urn. You walk over to the mantle and grab it off.  You hold it tight to your chest. It's all you have left of them. They told you if they every passed, donate all their stuff. They wanted to help where they could. You kept true to their wish. You donated everything, their clothes, their car, anything and everything. They were even able to donate some of their organs after passing. You silently cry for a moment in your living room. You wipe your tears and head back outside. 

You walk around the farm. Talking to the urn, like your partner was right there with you. You decide to walk with them in Cindersap forest. You two loved to hike together when you could. You walked all the way down to where the ocean cliff was, following it till you couldn't and then headed back up. You stop and sit by the river for awhile. Just staring out into the water. You stay there awhile then decide to head home. The sun was starting to set. You pick up the urn and slowly head home. You haven't felt this heartbroken since your partner passed. 

Flashbacks of them being in the hospital after the accident flooded your mind. You stop, lean into a tree, and slowly slide down it. You hug the urn and your legs into your chest. You sit there, sobbing. It felt like they just passed away yesterday. The hospital, the funeral house, everything felt like it just happened. But it didn't. It's been close to there years since they died. Why did grief do this to people? You thought you were finally passed this. Grief is never a for sure thing. A sight, smell, sound can trigger it. You think walking through the forest did it for you tonight. The last rays of sun were almost gone for the night.

You sit there until it's well into the night. You feel so numb. You don't want to move. You don't want to breathe. You don't want to feel these feelings again. The emotions come and go in waves. You're feeling cold now from sitting there so long. But you didn't care. You just wanted your love back. You wanted them in your arms again. Oh, to only huh then one last time. You sob again.

It was about one in the morning by now. You finally get the strength to stand up. You're slowly walking toward home. Your head is pounding, your eyes are swollen, and your heart is heavy. You make it to where you can see Marnie's ranch now. You slowly walk past it. It makes you think of Shane. You wonder if he's okay. You wonder if you have done anything wrong to him. You felt like he didn't care and that hurt. You stop for a moment as tears run down your face again. You put one hand on your face and quietly cry into it. You're so tired of crying tonight but can't help. Suddenly behind you..