SHIT + LOVE

✿Brothers can be KIND too✿

I wake up with the sound of my alarm clock. I haven't realized I slept that long after finding out about what happened to mom last night.
I lied in my bed for another 20 minutes just staring at the ceiling, reminiscing the good times I've had with Mom. I just can't believe she's gone. She was everything to me. I was always the one taking care of her, comforting her of her pain that never seemed to dissappear. I loved her with everything but this time I know that even my love won't bring her back. I felt like it was all my fault. I felt like I should've done so much more. It's too late now.
Not too long I hear small knocks on my door. "Lee? Can I come in?" voice so desperate and gentle I couldn't say no, so I head straight to my door and slowly opened the door, enough space for me to peek at whoever it was on the other side.
I see Xander forcing a smile, looking even messier than he did last night. His dark brown hair everywhere as if he never slept, he smelled of alcohol with the darkest of eyebugs I've ever seen, bruises in his face and hands, and an almost torned up shirt. He looks like he just got home. "could you open the door for me so we could talk? please?" he says while looking sorry "o-ok" so i decided to open the door and let him in. I sat on the fardest edge of the bed while he on the other hand walked around my room glancing at the family pictures I had hanged all over the wall "so...." he trails off "I know things are hard for you right now.... I have to admit this is just the shittiest thing I have ever experienced my whole life (forcing a chuckle). I know its probably too late for me to tell you this but I-I'm sorry for being the worst brother in the world, for never being there when you needed me the most..." by this time he sat beside me and I noticed how tears were starting to form in his eyes. I have never seen my brother look so vulnerable. So to ease his pain I give him the most loving hug I could give him stroking his back up and down with my hand "everything will be ok. God has plans for everything it just came too early thats all" I told him with a reassuring smile. "I just want to let you know that starting today I will try to get my life on the right track for once and I'm doing these because I don't want you to end up like the screwed up me. I want you to understand that I won't be a burden to you anymore, instead, the older brother who will always look out for you. I know this will be hard for me but I need you to trust me and believe in me. I am so sorry for everything Lee. Part of me keeps telling me that this was all my fault. That if only I stayed home everyday, I may have been able to keep a close eye on Mom and could have probably prevented all of this. Im really s-s-sorr-y L-ee, I am so sorry" this time he's really crying. Crying like a little kid who lost his lollipop and I have to admit he looks rather cute. I smile at him stroking his back for second time "Its not your fault Xan. It's Dad's this was all his fucking fault! I should've kicked him out when I had the chance ( I chuckled at the thought) but then again it isn't really my place to do so. All I'm saying is that I'm happy you finally decide to change, and I'll be more than happy to be on every step of the way to help you out. So stop crying all right? you're creeping me out!" we both laughed, he nods, and gives me another hug "thanks. I Love you sis" giving me a quick peck on the cheek he went his merry way. I smiled at the thought, God does have plans for everything I tell myself and went straight to the shower to take a nice warm bath.