The humid air of Lusaka hangs heavy, thick with the scent of dust and mangoes. You stand outside the bustling market, your phone clutched tight in your hand, the words you just typed burning in your mind. 'Friends, please help. I have anger issues. Every time we fight, I feel like replacing her, while I know very well that I really love her.'
The words feel raw, exposed. But they are true. The anger, the rage that boils up inside you during arguments with your partner, feels like a monstrous beast trying to break free. You know it's not her fault. It's you. It's your baggage, your insecurities, your deeply buried fear of losing her. But the feeling is real, terrifyingly real.
You watch a group of women haggle over a pile of brightly colored fabrics, their voices rising in a melodic chant. Their laughter mingles with the honking of taxis and the rhythmic pounding of hammers from a nearby construction site. You try to absorb the chaos, hoping it will distract you from the gnawing fear in your chest.
You remember the first time it happened. A heated argument over the phone. You slammed down the receiver, your heart pounding, a cold sweat breaking out on your skin. It was only a few moments later that the thought hit you, a chilling realization: You could just…replace her. Find someone else, someone new, someone who wouldn't challenge you, wouldn't make you feel vulnerable. Then the guilt washed over you, a tidal wave of remorse. You loved her, you knew you did. This feeling, this urge, was something else entirely. It was a monster you hadn't even known existed within you.
Since then, it has become a familiar shadow, lurking just beneath the surface, ready to erupt in the heat of an argument. It whispers sweet, insidious lies: 'She isn't right for you. She doesn't understand you. Find someone who will.' It echoes through the walls of your mind, feeding on your fear, your insecurity.
You know you need help. You've tried to ignore it, to bury it deep within, but it keeps resurfacing. The thought of losing her, the fear of being alone, the overwhelming desire to control everything, it's a suffocating web you're caught in.
As you walk home, the setting sun paints the sky in hues of orange and purple. The streets are alive with people, their laughter and chatter filling the air. You see couples walking hand in hand, their faces illuminated by the glow of streetlights. Their love, their connection, feels both beautiful and terrifying. You want that, you crave that, but the monster inside you threatens to destroy it all.
You reach your apartment building, your key heavy in your hand. You take a deep breath, trying to calm your racing heart. You're afraid of what awaits inside, but you know you need to face it. You need to confront the monster, to understand it, to find a way to tame it.
You open the door and step inside. Your partner is sitting on the couch, reading a book. Her smile is bright, her eyes full of love. You see the reflection of yourself in them, a reflection that's both familiar and terrifying.
You take a step towards her, the fear still gnawing at you, but this time, you're not afraid to face it. You need to tell her, you need to seek help. You need to fight for the love you have, for the life you've built together. The monster may be lurking inside you, but you are stronger, you are determined to overcome it. You are determined to fight for your love, for your future, for your happiness.
The journey ahead will be long and difficult, but you are not alone. You have your love, you have your friends, and you have the courage to face your demons, to fight for what matters most. As the last light of day fades, you take her hand, the warmth of her touch a beacon in the darkness. You are ready to begin the fight.
