I’ve reverted from talking to people to listening to music, because I just haven’t met that person that stops the noise. I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone who does. But the music isn’t helping me this time. Then again a lot of my music at the moment is songs that I’ve never heard before.
Sometimes I just wish I knew honestly what people thought about me. I mean I know I’m not popular. I don’t want to be popular, but I just feel like everyone should be entitled to know how people honestly feel about them. I’ve thought a lot lately but it keeps coming back to that. I also found out today that someone thinks I like them. I don’t. I don’t think people should just assume something because it seems vaguely plausible. There is very big difference between thinking two people would look good together and assuming one of them likes the other.
I’m also feeling bad, or nervous or something like that, because the girl I like looks somewhat similar to my ex-girlfriend as of just over a week ago. I’m thinking, maybe I only like her because she reminds me of someone I loved, or at least thought I did. I think I’m going to come out of this whole overseas venture a different person, in more ways than one. I mean there are all the emotional effects that the whole other country thing will do, and then there’s the thing with the overly large amount of girls that I’ve liked in the last two weeks. Maybe I’m overreacting but I’m beginning to worry about myself and my mindset.
I’ve also forgiven Jane, the one who blabbed about Tahnee. Or I guess I’ll have forgiven her if tomorrow still hardly anyone knows who I like. Because I told Jane who it is. We talked quite a bit today and she sort of forced it out of me. I think I might be trying to hurt myself subconsciously. I told her, even though I felt like crap last time people found out who I liked. And I’m starting to feel like people are beginning to get annoyed by me. I’m going to let everyone read it now. It’s not as if I care anymore, or at least I’m trying not to care anymore. Yesterday was a big improvement because people were laughing at me because I was sitting in the corner writing. They judged me, I didn’t care. So next time someone asks to read it, if I’m not in the middle or writing when they ask, I’ll give it to them. And if you’re reading this right now, judge me all you want, just remember it’s not going to get you anywhere. Never judge a book by its author.
-Anonymous
