I lent my book to one of the leaders here. She’s 18. She read it last night at told me today that she loved it. It made my day. I was actually the happiest I’ve been in weeks. But of course at the peak of every mountain there’s a risk of falling. That’s what happened. I fell. I came to the realisation that, for some unknown reason, when Bailey and I talk, about anything, it’s sort of awkward. She doesn’t seem to be able to just walk up to me and talk to me either. We had a twenty second chat earlier but of course the one time it seems to be going really well, Annie, of all people, managed to get in the bloody way. So I stood up and left. Annie doesn’t realise, but I think she made a much bigger difference than she thinks. And she doesn’t seem to notice, and if she does, she doesn’t care. I’m not on particularly good terms with her right at the moment.
I think one problem with Bailey is that Annie suggested hooking up. But I don’t want to do that. I want a proper relationship. But that doesn’t seem to be what any teenager wants. Too much commitment, probably. But she came down and sat next to me, of her own accord. I’m probably just getting my hopes up again but she’s sitting right next to me. Literally touching. And Annie made some sort of joke about me and ruined it. Bailey probably didn’t mean anything by it. It’s probably just because we’re friends. Maybe it was just because Annie and a few of her friends were around too. But she didn’t talk to them, she talked to me. Maybe Annie doesn’t want me to think I even have a chance, and maybe I don’t, but at least I can try.
-Anonymous
