So she ignored me all day. I seriously don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. I'm just completely hopeless. I at least want to stay friends with her. I don't need her to like me back or anything, I just need her to understand me. I also need to stop ignoring her, because if I talk to her maybe she'll talk back. And maybe we'll be able to talk about my whole situation, with her. Then again maybe she doesn't want to stay friends because she's afraid I'll ask her out and she'll have to break my heart, but to be honest I'm breaking my own heart writing this. I just need to cry but there are people in the room and they’ll ask what’s wrong and why I’m crying and I’ll tell them because I can’t keep secrets. I guess the whole thing is kind of just a daydream. That’s all I am, isn’t it? A daydreamer?
“A daydreamer is prepared for most things,” is what Joyce Carol Oates once said. I guess this is one of the things they’re not prepared for. I normally like being ignored. It’s generally my usual cup of tea, (which is a horrible expression for me to use considering I hate tea) but this time it’s uncomfortable. It’s sad. And it hurts. I don’t know what to do anymore. I self-harmed again for the first time in months today. I could sense that Annie’s been worried I’ll do it again. I can trust her now, and John too. It’s a quarter past eight at night and all I want to be doing is either a) being at home and having none of this happen, b) making it up to Tahnee or c) crying. Good night, friend.
-Anonymous
