I’m back. I’m back at home too. This doesn’t exactly feel right. Instead of writing this I’m typing it. You’re probably wondering why I have come back. It’s worse. Everyone is just so full of shit and my best friend is starting to sound a little like me. That’s not a good thing. He’s the one that’s always been so positive, but when I came back I went out with him, and the first thing he did was buy a book, The Perks of being a Wallflower. It’s one of my favourite books in the world, and he decided to buy it. He isn’t a reader, but he finished it in three days. Since then he’s changed. He’s decided it’s his outlook on life or something and he doubts himself so much. He’s never been like this and it’s worrying. But it’s not just him. It’s my ex as well. I wasn’t particularly happy with her, funnily enough, and we talked a little bit when I got back. I added her back on facebook because my friends kept telling me to, and so she said she wouldn’t just add me back. She wanted to know I deleted her. So I said the logical reason, because hey maybe I didn’t want to be friends anymore! And so I cancelled the friend request because she was still being really frustrating. And so, of course, she sends me another message. “Well it was great being friends with you. I was only wondering because on the day you left for China I went to talk to you and you had deleted me and I was confused why, but I understand. Hope you had fun.” And so naturally I replied. We talked a bit and then she started being nice. My problem with that is that it felt natural again and I was scared I was going to fall for again so I basically yelled at her and I think I’ve ruined it. I don’t know whether I’m glad about that or not but it’s seriously frustrating. I’m seeing her on Sunday when we both have tickets booked for a show a couple of our friends are in.
It’s not just her that’s the problem. I think about two days after I came back Jane told me that she liked me, and I sort of liked her a bit too, so I told her that. And then later on that night she took it back. That hurt. I don’t know whether she ever actually did but we’re still friends anyway, and I saw her two days ago, as well as my best friend and the girl he “used to” like. I didn’t really talk to Jane much, and Danny, my best friend, didn’t really talk to Leah, who’s the girl he supposedly doesn’t like anymore. I think he does like her, but he’s just telling himself that he doesn’t because he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship. It’s a little late for that I think. And he’s going to China in less than a week, so I’m going to be left with no one at school. Again. I don’t have friends at school. I have friends in various places outside of school, and it’s starting to get really annoying.
But along with all of this, the worst thing that’s happened would have to be when Annie read what I wrote about her while we were in China. She read it and instantly came and yelled at me for saying I didn’t care about her secret. I guess this was reasonable, I know I didn’t exactly make a good choice writing that. It’s probably a mistake writing this in as well but because we’ve stopped being friends, I’ve realized how much I actually care about her. I know I can be selfish a lot of the time, but I’m not good with showing people how much I actually care. Which is why I have this. I guess I should say this, I scratched again the other day. On my back. It’s not that bad, mainly because it’s not exactly an easy place to reach, and I didn’t have the patience to bother. I haven’t slept very well most nights since I’ve come back, and it’s probably a mistake but I’m having a Harry Potter Movie Marathon tomorrow. I’m not going to sleep tomorrow night, and then I’m seeing my ex, as well as a whole lot of other friends I’ve missed more than anyone. I can’t decide if I’m looking forward to it or not. Either way, you should get a nice long letter on Sunday evening.
-Anonymous
