This is a long one guys, the longest of all of them so far. Prepare yourselves ;) Oh and anyone I mention throughout the whole thing, you know who you are.
I don’t really have any updates at the moment. Nothing has really happened in the last maybe 48 hours. I’m still not in a particularly good mood, and I’m not sure how I can change that. I’ve been beginning to doubt my writing abilities. I can’t manage to write anything other than this sort of depressing shit that no one even cares about or wants to read. What’s the point of doing something if you know it will most likely never get you anywhere? It’s not as if anything really matters in the end. Just to completely change the subject, I physically cannot manage to stay mad at Annie.
I’m sick of people. Everyone is just constantly there, and I don’t want them to be. For once I would just like my own time to think. To think about the real reason I self-harm, to think about Bailey, to think about any reason she might possibly have to actually give a damn about me. I just need time. It might take me five minutes; it might take me five days. I don’t care. I just really need everyone to leave me alone. I just need quiet. It might be that I don’t think, I just don’t function at all. I need a way to shut myself off from the world completely, just for a moment. If everyone could just shut the fuck up and LEAVE ME ALONE. I’m just tired of everything. Nothing really matters. Everything is just dust in the end. I’m so angry right now I’m scaring myself. I don’t really know why I am angry but I just don’t even care anymore. I don’t care if you’re sad, or happy, or why. So just stop telling me your problems. I just need to be alone. And if it needs to be forever then forever it will be. It’d make a better story, if nothing else. But the amount of people who just talk constantly about everything is insane. I. Don’t. Give. A. Damn. I’m probably not making sense right now. I just want to hide away from everything for as long as I need. I find that when I’m really not happy and on the verge of just yelling at everyone and everything the cuts and scratches just start hurting. Whether they were intentional injuries or not, everything just hurts. So much for not having anything to write about. Here’s a brief description of how I’m currently feeling about everyone.
Bailey: Okay yeah you’re beautiful. No denying that. Yeah I really like you. No I don’t care anymore that you don’t like me. I’ll suck it up.
Annie: I don’t know why you even talk to me. I really don’t like you right at the moment, so suck it up, princess. Ad don’t worry about your secret, I won’t tell anyone. Even I’m not that mean. Besides it really doesn’t make a difference to me.
Jane: I honestly don’t know what to think. We haven’t talked much is the last couple of days and I guess I miss it. You’re probably one of the only seemingly sort of true friends I have right at the moment.
John: Stop bitching. I don’t bitch about Bailey to you; don’t bitch about Annie to me. She isn’t going to start liking you any time soon. Please, please just don’t bother. Block her out of your mind completely if you have to I don’t care just stop talking to me about it.
Tahnee: I don’t like you anymore. I promise. We’re friends I guess, yeah, but I don’t really care for you much at all.
If I’ve missed anyone I don’t care. I probably just haven’t needed to talk about you. You’re probably just the normal people in my life. The friends I know I have. Either that or I just don’t give a damn about you. Feel free to come and talk to me about what I’ve written about you, but don’t expect to me to care, or even listen. If it doesn’t suit my timing I may just walk away. Don’t take it personally. Or do, either way it doesn’t affect me. But Bailey, if you’re reading this, and we’re in China, I most likely still really like you. Please just pretend you don’t care. Or something like that. Just don’t piss me off to my face. You won’t enjoy it. And that goes for everyone. So please, everyone, if you could just leave me alone. Talk to me if you want, but if I don’t reply, leave. If I have headphones in, leave, and if I talk to you while I’m writing feel special. And to all the arseholes out there who don’t like me and just don’t talk to me at all, who don’t eve acknowledge my existence, thank you.
I’m done now. Leave me alone. Good. Fucking. Night.
-Anonymous
