A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall

Chapter VIII: Sink the Orange

"Hannah? You alright?"

I snapped out of my thoughts and turned to face Cliff who was tapping salt onto his hot chips. "Yeah, I'm fine," I said continuing to stir my salad. I pushed aside a crouton and pierced a small lettuce leaf. 

"Ya' sure? You've been quieter than usual all evenin'." I sighed. He was right. While the boys played their show I stayed at the hotel. Angus was disappointed but I simply couldn't go without my headphones. The solitude gave me ample time to think and my thoughts were less than kind. My entire body felt disgusting and my insides were still racked by guilt. I got a small sunburn on my arm and my feet were still peeling. My skin was triple toned and slick with sweat constantly. 

What on Earth does he see in me? I'm a living slob.

I quickly did laundry to distract myself before Angus came back, asking me if I wanted to join everyone for dinner. I had already let him down once today, I didn't have the heart to say no a second time. 

And here I was at the restaurant, all of my senses on high and my salad rotting before my eyes. 

But I'd be fine, I was always fine. And I let Cliff know this by giving him my best smile. 

He wasn't convinced. 

The band and crew were in good spirits the entire night. A roadie managed to open a bottle of champagne and it spilled all over the table. Glasses were passed around but I didn't take any. I already felt poorly. A plate of crab legs hovered over our heads before being set down in the middle of the table. Almost everyone took one. 

Except me, of course. 

Shellfish allergy.

Angus grabbed the pitcher of iced water and refilled our glasses. "Thank you," I said taking a quick drink. The restaurant became stuffy. 

"Sure," he said setting the pitcher down. "Ya' haven't eaten much."

I took an extra large bite of salad, making sure he was watching. He didn't say anything but I could feel his eyes on me. It was tough to swallow but I managed and simply picked at it again. A quintet of croutons pooled in the middle of the bowl and I tried crushing them with my fork. 

I really wished Maude were there...

**********

Water dripped from Angus' hand as he brushed some hair away from my face. I leaned against him, watching the bubbles pop. They were almost gone by now. 

"Somethin' must be botherin' ya'," he murmured stroking my arm. I didn't answer. I wasn't sure how. Angus waited patiently before trying again. "Anythin' happen at dinner?"

"No," I said quickly. Dinner was, by all means, a great time. Everyone was in a good mood and agreeable, nobody had the will to pick a fight. 

"Ya' don't wanna be here do ya'?" he asked quietly. He continued before I could disagree. "I shouldn't have looked at ya' that way-"

"What way?" I asked turning to face him. He shrugged.

"Ya' know...like this." He stuck out his bottom lip, looking up at me with sad puppy dog eyes. I laughed and he joined in, relaxing at my smile. "I did, didn't I?"

"You did no such thing," I laughed. "I wanted to spend time with you, I never see you anymore." I could have bit my tongue. That made it sound like I blamed him for being a musician. Touring all the time, being gone. Sure, it was rough sometimes. Countless days would go by without my best friend to talk to. Something funny would happen to me and I couldn't tell him. Nor could I hear about how his day went or how he was holding up. I didn't mind being alone. But I sure missed the man I loved.