A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall

Chapter XXXV: Hanging on the Telephone

"Ya' sure ya' don't wanna come?" Malcolm asked as I sat on the couch, wrapped in a warm blanket sipping my tea. I hadn't bothered to brush my hair and I swear I had a five o' clock shadow. I shook my head.

"No, thanks," I said. "It's been a rough few days...I think I'll stay here and rest."

"If you insist," he said. "But I know Mum would have liked to see ya'." Way to make me feel like a million bucks, Mal. 

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. He patted me on the back.

"Ah, don't worry about it, we'll all live. Cara, ya' got your shoes?"

"Yes, Daddy," the little girl said. She ran up to him and he picked her up in his arms. Linda came back inside from the backyard holding Ross in her arms. He stared wide eyed at everything. 

"Ross loves the new bird bath you guys have," Linda said. "There were a few birds in it but they flew off."

"Did he play in it?" Malcolm asked. "'Cause it's my turn to give the kids a bath tonight." Linda came up to him and kissed his cheek.

"Nice try, Dad," she said. "Is everyone ready to go?"

"Angus is still polishin' his nails," Malcolm said. "Angus! We're waitin' on ya', hurry up!"

"Malcolm," Linda said, swatting Malcolm on the arm.

"What?"

"You shouldn't rush him," she said. "We can wait a few more minutes." Malcolm grinned.

"But Cara's jus' gettin' so heavy," he said almost dropping her, then catching her. Cara giggled and Malcolm did it again. Linda beamed at them both, gently bouncing Ross in her arms, encouraging him to laugh at his daddy and sister.

Kids weren't so bad when I wasn't the one responsible for them.

The bathroom door opened and out walked Angus, his hair fluffier than ever. Cara squirmed out of Malcolm's arms and ran for her uncle. "Hey, kid," Angus said hoisting her up in his arms. She rested her head against his. 

"Couldn't convince her," Malcolm said. "She'll watch the fort."

"That's alright," Angus said smiling at me. "Call ya' when we get there, alright?"

"Alright," I said walking them to the door. 

"And you two are going to take a nap while we're there," Linda told her children. Ross seemed pleased at that idea but Cara wasn't having it.

"I'm not sleepy," she pouted.

"You will be once the family starts talkin'," Malcolm said as Linda swatted him again. "What? I didn't say I didn't like hearin' 'em."

"We'll be back soon," Angus said kissing my cheek. "Love ya'."

"Love you too," I said and shut the front door after them. I turned around and stared at the empty living room surrounding me.

What would I do here all by myself?

Whatever I did when Angus went on tour, I supposed. I sat back on the couch and grabbed the remote. 

Images of news reporters behind desks updating the world about the ongoing Cold War raced through my head. Footage shown of American children in school undergoing nuclear attack drills. Sirens going off, warning everyone of incoming danger and destruction. Old war footage of atomic bombs going off and the deadly aftermath, reminding viewers of a possible future. No matter what channel you clicked to, it was always there.

I set the remote down. I wouldn't put myself through that today.

It was too chilly outside for me to even think about leaving my warm blanket. Well, it was technically Angus' blanket that I gave to him for Christmas. You know, the one with the sailboat? I couldn't possibly get it dirty outside. 

I could call my family. 

My hand hovered over the phone. It was like I was frozen in place.

I settled back down on the couch. I didn't really want to put myself through that either.

I nearly jumped out of my seat when the phone started ringing. I narrowed my eyes. That couldn't be Angus...they didn't get there already...

I picked it up and held it to my ear. "Hello?"

"....who is this?"

I thought I recognised the voice. "You tell me first..."

The voice sighed. "I was callin' to see if Angus was home. If he's not I can...." I didn't listen to the rest of what he said. I knew exactly who it was.

"Phil?" I asked. There was a pause.

"Hannah?" Phil asked. I nodded then almost smacked myself realising he couldn't see me.

"Yeah, it's me," I said. A small tint of happiness clouded my thinking. Was he coming back? Is that why he called? Should I run outside and see if I could chase down Malcolm's car? No, that was silly. Whatever he had to say he could say to me. I could pass on the message. Should I grab a paper and pen? 

"Oh..." Phil said and I heard a bit of background noise that I couldn't make out. "Is...Angus home?"

"No, he just left," I said. "He's with Malcolm," I said wondering if that would cheer him up. Phil sighed as it seemed to do the exact opposite.

"Oh..." he mumbled. "I'll call back later."

"Wait!" I yelled. He didn't hang up but I wasn't sure what to say to keep him on the line. Something. Anything! Nothing...

"What?" he finally asked.

"...how've you been?" I asked. There was more background noise and scuffling.

"Fine," he said. "You?"

"...fine," I agreed. It would seem neither of us were prepared for this "conversation". I wanted more details, I wanted to know where Phil had been this whole time and what he was doing now. I wanted to know if he had gotten clean or not. For some reason it didn't feel right to ask him all this stuff. If he wanted to tell, he would have done so. "We've missed you."

I wasn't sure he wanted to respond to that. By the sound of his voice I was wrong about him coming back. "Yeah, it's...it's been a while, hasn't it?" he said.

"Too long," I said. "I'll tell Angus you called."

"No, that's...that's alright," Phil said. "It wasn't important anyway."

"Sure it is," I said, having no idea what he called for. But it must have been something important since he apparently hadn't called in years. I dared to say what I did. "You can tell me."

Another pause. "It's nothin', really, I jus' called to see if...if Angus still had the tapes I lent him," Phil said. "Some demo tapes from our last album, is all. It's not a big deal."

"I can look for them if you want," I offered. Anything to keep Phil from hanging up. Anything to keep him from leaving again. 

"It's alright, Hannah," Phil said in a friendly sounding voice. "I was jus' curious is all." I could feel hot tears stinging my eyes. "It was good to hear from ya'."

"You can call back later," I said. "Angus should be home sometime this evening." There was a pause and a long sigh.

"I don't think I ought to," he said. "Probably not the best...I should go, my girlfriend is waitin' on me..."

"Phil-"

"Bye." And with that he hung up. I sat there for a minute listening to the dial tone. Did I say something wrong? He was right in our grasp and he slipped away again. It could be years before he ever called again. Had Angus picked up the phone instead....he might have stayed to talk...

Was it my fault?

That was ridiculous. I didn't do or say anything to offend him. Perhaps he called for a talk and something just....caused him to back out?

I set the phone back on the cradle. Perhaps it was best that I kept the line open. Angus would be calling any minute.