A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall

Chapter XLIX: Under Pressure

Angus was gone. He took both dogs for an early walk that morning and had yet to come back. I spent my morning worrying over a cup of cold tea and pacing the bedroom. The sight of Angus' suitcase sitting at the foot of the bed only made me pace faster so I left the room. 

I went downstairs with my cold tea and dumped it down the sink. I didn't realise my hands were shaking and I accidentally dropped the mug. It shattered to pieces. My hands gripped the counter and I took slow, deep breaths. Getting upset wouldn't fix the mug. Getting angry wouldn't clean the mess. 

Carefully I picked out the broken pieces and took them to the rubbish. I rinsed the sink out of any dust and tea and washed my hands. I needed a hot shower to calm me down.

It didn't work. Not for long, anyway. 

Now I was sitting on the couch in a dressing gown with wet hair, holding myself in a hug. Everything was going through my head at once. 

Leaving my family for a man they didn't like.

Wanda Popplewell trying so desperately to tempt Angus into leaving me for someone else or planning our wedding for us.

The boys' last album not selling as well as it should have. 

The stress from the accompanying music videos and the upcoming tour.

Mr. Young passing away.

Phil's absence.

Bon's absence.

The idea of Angus possibly finding someone who could give him what he was looking for in a relationship much better than I ever could. 

My beautiful Angus leaving again for months.

I didn't notice when I started crying.

I didn't notice when the front door opened and Angus came in with two dogs at his side. I barely noticed the beagle and mutt in front of me whining and licking my shaking hands. Or Angus sitting next to me on the couch and gathering me in his arms for a hug. Gently rocking me back and forth and kissing my temple, running his fingers through my wet hair. 

And I barely heard myself tell him, "I wish I had never been born."