Legacy Diaries

Hope's Diary Entry No. 3

Gym
Hope's Diary Entry

As much as my family tried to lighten my mood in the last two years, and Caroline tried to get me to loosen up while Doctor Saltzman tried to get me to make friends, with Josie and Lizzie trying as well, they all failed miserably, until I thought that I had a friendship forming with Josie, but it deteriorated before it could really form because Doctor Saltzman risked his life to save mine.

I tried everything I could to push Landon away, and when I finally succeeded, I had to go and kiss him. The kiss left me feeling abnormally happy, enough to make me walk around with a smile on my face, feeling giddy, and then Rafael had to burst my blissful bubble and ruin my good morning. The jerk.

When I was left all alone in the hallway afterwards, I never thought that I would be sharing some of the blue blood traditions and skills Aunt Rebekah taught me when I was home and whenever I paid her and Marcel a visit in New York, but here we were, working on his ballroom skills and having fun while doing it, even as he forgot to return his right foot between my feet, stepping on my shoe protected toes as a result for the nth time in the last thirty to forty minutes since we started in the empty gym.

"Sorry," he apologized for the equal nth time, shaking his head. "This is harder than it looks in the movies."

"That's because the people in the movies spend weeks to months with professionals working on the choreography or use doubles," I replied, not letting him stop moving. "You've just started."

"I don't have months, let alone weeks," Rafael said, coming to a stop. "All I can do right now is to meet you halfway down the stairs, link arms, walk you to the floor and then step on your toes. Oh, I mean bow, and then step on your toes."

"You were dancing just fine in the classroom," I reminded him as we separated and returned to the starting point which was the bleachers stairs. "What's changed?"

"I don't know," was the unhelpful reply Rafael gave me, taking his place halfway down the stairs while I continued up and took mine. "Maybe it finally dawned on me what I got myself into. What the hell was I thinking?"

"Good question," I responded, earning myself an incredulous look from Rafael. "What the hell were you thinking kissing Josie and having sex with Lizzie?"

His eyes shied away from me with my question.

"Why did you have to eavesdrop?" He asked, trying to move the focus on me.

"Don't change the subject," I replied, taking a few steps down to sit beside him before tapping next to me for him to join me. "Of all the girls in the school, you just had to mess with the two girls every boy in the school knows not to mess with like that."

"None of it was planned, Hope," Rafael said, after sitting down and a moment went by, arms clasped in a double fist, eyes looking ahead. "I was caught in the giant spiderweb with Josie, and she needed to siphon some magic to set us free, so she kissed me… and sure, I kissed her back, but it wasn't like we went out on a date and we kissed at the end of it. She needed to siphon and our hands were stuck. We didn't speak about it afterwards, and before I knew it, I had to agree to be Lizzie's date to secure her vote for Landon to stay. We still haven't really talked about it.

"Lizzie said that Josie kissed me because she likes me, but the night we arrived here, I-I thought she was feeling me, but then she suddenly told me Lizzie was the best person she knew and that I should give her a second chance."

'Because Lizzie called dips on you, Rafael,' I thought, noting the confusion in his voice.

It was so typical of Josie to play second fiddle to Lizzie that I wasn't surprised she did what she did even though she liked Rafael. Since he was new here, I understood his confusion. All of Josie's love interests had to deal with Lizzie being Josie's top priority, even on their one year anniversary, which was the longest Josie has been in a relationship.

I was actually surprised that it took Penelope a year to realise that Josie was never going to stand up for herself and prioritize their relationship over Lizzie's desires, but when she did, she broke up with Josie, by kissing Josie's first crush Jade, who once told Josie that she was just a kid, right in front of her on their anniversary and then announced she was breaking up with her. Talk about savage.

"So, you agreed to be Lizzie's date to get her to vote for Landon to stay," I repeated to get my mind to the present, "before you could speak with Josie about the kiss. And then you had sex with Lizzie when Josie won and voted against Landon staying."

Rafael lowered his head, and nodded.

"Pretty much," he confirmed with some regret. "But I didn't have sex with Lizzie to get back at Josie. It just happened. I came in here to blow off some steam after I informed Landon about the results, and found Lizzie and the punching bag damaged on the floor. We spoke, I moved to leave afterwards, she stopped and kissed me, I reciprocated, and we had sex."

"In here?" I asked slowly, hoping the answer was negative.

"Yeah," he answered, and I got to my feet in a split-second.


"Please tell me you didn't have sex here," I pointed where we were sitting and around us.

"Have you had sex on a stairway?" Rafael asked with a raised eyebrow instead of giving me an answer.

"Of course not!" I responded, crossing my arms defensively.

I haven't even had sex yet.

"That makes sense," Rafael said, to my confusion. "How would you be able to have sex when you push everyone away?"

I looked down at him sharply.

"What does having sex on a stairway have anything to do with my sex life and me pushing people away?" I questioned with a glare.

"Uh, you just said that you haven't even had sex yet," he replied, looking up at me, a little confused, to my surprise. It seemed I thought out loud. "I'm not surprised since you push people away, especially guys who like you, like Landon."

"You're back to the Landon thing?"

"Yes, but Landon made his choice," responded Rafael, shrugging. "He chose to leave me here, and I'm fine with that. He knows where to find me."

He wasn't fine with anything, he was upset by Landon leaving him behind, but he was making an effort to move on, and he was succeeding.

"OK," I accepted what he said for both our sake, sitting down. "So, you just had sex with Lizzie and forgot about kissing Josie?"

"Lizzie is hot and she knows what she wants and she isn't afraid to go for it," Rafael pointed out. "Even if she can get in her own way, but she didn't last night. I needed something to take my mind off everything, and she was there. I know that we shouldn't have had sex. I, especially, shouldn't have hooked up with another girl so soon after Cassie, but I couldn't go out for a run like I would have a month and a half ago. I haven't had the urge to run since I didn't medal and I killed Cassie, so..."

"You didn't…" I began comfortingly.

"Don't," he quickly interrupted me, getting to his feet. "Don't finish whatever you were going to say. I literally wouldn't be here if I didn't kill her."

That was true, so…

"Sorry," I apologized.

"She forgave me, you know," Rafael said after a few moments of silence, looking at me, smiling a little. "I've never been spiritual or anything like that, but I swear, I saw Cassie after I collapsed, and we spoke and, though I don't deserve it, she forgave me, and she wanted me to forgive myself."

I remembered my own experience with my mother after she died because of me. It seemed Landon wasn't our only common ground. Rafael was lucky enough to speak with Cassie's spirit to set him free from his guilt.

I wished I could have that with my father. Just one more conversation with him to know if he regrets sacrificing himself for me. Uncle Elijah too. I could definitely use one more conversation with my mother. I missed her so much, I missed all of them.

"Did you forgive yourself?" I asked hopefully, returning to the present.

"Cassie died because of me, and this will always haunt me," Rafael replied, the little smile fading from his face. "But she wants me to forgive myself and live for the both of us before she finds peace. I took her life, the least I can do is give her the peace that she deserves. As unworthy as I am, Cassie forgave me, and if she can do that after what I did to her, and still say that she loves me, I can forgive myself for her. I was in the process of doing that when you suddenly appeared out of nowhere."

I was confused for a moment, until I remembered him saying that 'she' forgave him. I thought that he was talking about Lizzie, but it turned out he was talking about Cassie.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, truly sorry. "I didn't know."

"It's cool," Rafael responded, adjusting his feet by taking a step down the stairs. "I think that I already forgave myself, I just needed to remember. It feels like a heavy burden has been lifted off my heart and shoulders, making my feet lighter."

I knew what he was talking about, but…

"Your feet are anything but lightweight," I mumbled, and Rafael chuckled although a bit embarassed.

Compared to how intense and terrifying he was when he was all up in my face earlier, he was quite handsome and charming when he laughed and smiled. I understood where Josie and Lizzie were coming from and I didn't blame the former for her attraction to him even after he slept with the latter. There was just something about Rafael Waithe when he let down his guard and let you see it and I was seeing it.

"Sorry," he apologized, but he was smiling.

At the sight of the smile, I realised something.

"We need a change of scenery to get you to stop thinking about what you and Lizzie did in here and stop stepping on my toes," I said, and moved to get to feet but Rafael offered his hand, palm up, to assist me.

I accepted the offered hand and stood up. Right afterward, its owner took my right arm and linked it with his left arm like I showed him and smiled at me.

"I wasn't thinking about tonight when we were in the classroom," he explained as we walked to the centre of the gym side by side. "I was in the moment and just having fun. Coming in here reminded me why I was learning all this in the first place and it distracted me. Doctor Saltzman will be there tonight, and so will everyone. I need to get past the distraction and be in the moment so that I don't embarrass myself and my dates."

"And me," I added as we reached the centre.

"Especially you, Princess," he agreed, bowing with one hand on his back and another on his front while I did a curtsey, rolling my eyes.

We got close and I was once again surprised at how it wasn't awkward as we settled in our dancing position with Rafael's hand on the side of my waist and my hand on his shoulder, our other hands holding, without any music playing.

"Especially me?" I asked as we began to sway slowly, even for a slow dance, into box steps to help my dance partner get out of his head.

"My performance tonight will display your dance instructor abilities," he replied, looking me in the eyes, and grinned. "And since I will have to wait for my dates to make their grand entrances, you'll be my first dancing partner, right?"

"I'm just going to show my presence and then leave," I responded to his surprise. "As you said, I push people away, especially guys who like me. I don't have any friends and no one is going to ask me for a dance."