Legacy Diaries

Josie's DE No. 8 and Rafael's DE No. 6

Rafael's Room
Josie's Diary Entry

After Wade and Jed left, respectively, and my orgasm subsided, I breathed a sigh of relief as I laid limp underneath Rafael and the blanket, loving his full weight on top of me. I also loved how his body heat warmed me all over on top of feeling rather hot and being sweaty after orgasming, aided by the blanket over us.

If we had more time, I would definitely allow myself to sleep right here in our warm cocoon. With that thought, I couldn't help but imagine what our winters would be like if we dated: cuddly and warm, came to mind, as I absentmindedly began massaging his bare back with both of my hands.

We fit so well together that I… The thought came to a halt as Rafael's weight suddenly lifted off me and let cool air into our cocoon.

"Sorry," he apologized on his elbows, to my confusion. "I'm heavy and I know I run a higher temperature than normal, and…"

"And I like that," I hijacked his explanation, to his visible surprise.

"You do?" He asked, searching my eyes.

"Yeah," I confirmed, nodding. "And you're letting cool air into our cocoon."

"Our cocoon?" Rafael inquired with a furrowed brow.

I pulled him back down onto me and hugged him so that he didn't see my blush.

"Our cocoon, huh?" He teased, amused, and tried to get up, but I held on to him. "Our cocoon… I like it."

That made me happy.

"Even though you don't want me to look at you," Rafael added, and kissed my neck, just a peck.

"You've seen enough, don't you think?" I responded, remembering the way he looked at me, and my blush intensified, but I couldn't help the big smile on my face.

I was never ever going to forget the awe he looked at me with. Ever. He made me feel like I was the most amazing thing he had ever seen, and I loved that feeling. I loved the way he made me feel. I wasn't sure about this taking a risk thing, but after the way Rafael Waithe looked at me…

"No," Rafael replied, shaking his head, and my smile widened. He was still interested in me. "I don't think I've seen enough of you, but if you think so, it's OK."

Butterflies returned in my stomach and my toes curled at his reply. He didn't know how happy he was making me feel, it was the complete opposite of how I felt when I woke up this morning, and I wanted to make him happy too.

"I don't think so," I said shyly, loosening my arms around him, and moved to remove the blanket and unfold our cocoon.

"Hey," Rafael stopped me, and rose just enough to let some light into our cocoon to look at me. "You don't have to…"

"I know," I assured him, smiling as I removed the blanket, heart beating fast as we locked eyes. "I want to."

I proceeded to reach between us to untie my bathrobes belt, and noticed that it had a moist spot, my ejaculation, and then revealed all of my skin, well, except my arms and back.

"You can look, Raf," I told him, although I felt rather vulnerable.

But of all the things I felt insecure about, my body was not one of them, and I really wanted him to see all of me; if not for his pleasure, for mine. Penelope was the first person I ever slept with, and she was also the one who gave me my first orgasm. She had a special place in my heart, even after she hurt me, but I was ready to move on from her now.

She was no longer the first, last and only person to give me an orgasm, Rafael had the honour of giving me my last orgasm now, and I wanted him to see all of me after the way he looked at me, but he was hesitant, and he kept his eyes locked with mine.

"Josie, as much as I want to, and I really, really, really want to…" he began sincerely, and I felt more vulnerable than before because I knew rejection was on the way despite his sincerity and visible want. "I like you too much to not stop when I know that we should stop before you give me something else that is special and I don't deserve and haven't worked for, yet."

Wow! I didn't expect that. At all.

"And you haven't exactly told me if you like me too or not," he added, and I raised an eyebrow.

"You think I would have done everything I've done and be here if I didn't like you?" I questioned, not understanding how he would think that.

"I've been with a lot of girls, Josie," Rafael said something I didn't need or want to know. "But I've only liked two girls and only been in one relationship. Cassie and you are the only girls I've ever liked and wanted a real relationship with. I've never told the other girls that I liked them and I never wanted a real relationship with them, but the things we did…"

"I don't want to know," I interrupted, covering myself with my bathrobe, but he stayed between my legs and half on top of me for the most part.

"I know, and I'm not going to tell you," he responded, breathing a little easier after I covered myself, although there was some longing and regret in his eyes as he caressed my cheek. "But I need you to understand why I'm not sure whether you like me or not. You're not like the girls I used to hookup with, Josie. If you were, I wouldn't have any problem taking whatever you offered me, but I really like you and I can't. Not when I'm damaged and I still have anger issues to work through."

"You'll always have anger issues because you're a werewolf, Raf," I informed him, cupping his cheek, and he leaned into my touch. "But you're not damaged, you're traumatized."

The shock Rafael looked at me with hit me really hard, he appeared shook to the core by what I said. With how Lizzie said that he was damaged, and how he said so as well, I realised that I may be the first person to tell him that he wasn't damaged, that he was traumatized, instead, so…

"You're not damaged, you're traumatized," I repeated, and Rafael blinked rapidly, probably to hold back his tears, and I caressed his cheek with my thumb. "And you're not the only one. We're all traumatized to varying degrees, and if that makes you feel or think that you're damaged, you're not the only one and you're not alone."
~
Rafael's Diary Entry

"You're not damaged, you're traumatized," Josie's words echoed in my head as I stared at her, recalling Cassie saying something along the lines.

I couldn't argue with Josie, I was traumatized. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have experienced a post-traumatic stress disorder episode that transported me back to the car crash and suffered a panic attack on my way into town to get my tailor-made tuxedo. I was not in the best condition when I reached my destination, and the seamstress Miss Ladylake noticed and asked me to join her for a glass of red wine to relax my nerves, a quarter empty wine glass in hand.

When I entered her shop, I was a mess and didn't know anything about wine, when I exited it, I knew how to drink 'fine' red wine. I also knew a few things about it and other wine, and I left with a half empty bottle and an assortment of fruits meant for customers, but since it was late Friday and the shop was closed, she gave me what was left.

There was a price for the 'freebies', though. She somehow managed to get me to lower my guard and spill my guts about why I arrived a mess in just a few sips, but I also learned a few things about her and she helped me refine my slow dancing skills after I mentioned my concerns about stepping on my dates' toes.

It was weird, after not expressing myself since Cassie died, I took every chance I could to express myself after opening up to Josie at the party the day I arrived with Landon. By the time I left, I knew her first name—Nimue—where she lived—the apartment above her shop—and we were on first name basis and she gave me her business card with personal contacts in case I needed anything.

"Anything at anytime," she emphasized, and explained when I gave her a little weirded out look. "You remind me of a boy I used to know from a long time ago. Please, do me the honour of remembering an old friend and call on me and knock on my door whenever you want or need anything."

A twenty something attractive woman trying to get a legally seventeen, that was my estimated age as I didn't know my birthdate, and neither did the government, years old boy to what? befriend her? was suspicious, even if I ignored our skin and background difference.

I was very aware of a certain organ stereotype for people like me. After I learned about it, I actively took advantage of it a few times with the older popular girls at my previous schools and twice outside school. So, there was a chance that maybe, just maybe, she wanted to test out the stereotype, especially with the fact that Mystic Falls population was predominantly Caucasian. But since Nimue mentioned an old friend...

At the mention of remembering an old friend, I thought about Landon and how if I never see him again, I would probably try to reach out to someone who reminded me of him too. In some ways, now that I was on better terms with Hope, she was a reminder of Landon and I was the same for her, so I took the card and promised to reach out some time, but back to what Josie said.

I took it in and let it sink in with her caressing my cheek caringly. I really didn't deserve this, her, not when I killed the person who lifted me up before her. Yes, I forgave myself, for the most part, for Cassie's sake and peace, but I didn't forget what I did to her, I couldn't, I didn't want to, I didn't deserve to, and I was scared that history would repeat itself and I would do the same to Josie.

I wanted to push her away to protect her from me, and maybe to protect myself too from her hurting me like last night and this morning, although a part of me said that I deserved it, but how could I do that when she was looking at me like I mattered despite everything?

"As for whether I like you or not," Josie said, and I followed her guide and exchanged places, but with her straddling me. "I don't go around doing this, you're the exception because I really like you, enough to kiss you after Lizzie c… after saying that you should give Lizzie a second chance."

I smiled at the confirmation of the reciprocated like, but my smile didn't last for long.

"Oh my god!" Josie suddenly exclaimed, getting off me in a hurry.