|| Lumax Oneshots ||

| I'm still here |

|| Max's POV ||
  I've never been afraid of the dark.

  Until now.

  Nowadays darkness is my only companion and my greatest enemy. It's the one thing I can never escape.

  It's all I can see, hear, taste, feel. It's nowhere and everywhere, all the time—darkness. The vast cascades of my mind.

  I can hear others sometimes, nurses maybe. I used to hear the party's voices a lot. El would tell me that she would find me soon, and save me. Will would tell me to hold on. Mike would mumble something about hanging in there. Dustin would tell me about all the recent drama—and he would sometimes catch himself waiting for a response, as if I'm actually awake. The last time they all visited was 37 days ago. But who I really listen for, who I crave to hear from, is Lucas.

  He used to be with me every second of every day, reading to me and retelling our favorite memories. Sometimes the darkness almost gave way to the color and beauty of those memories. Almost.

  I haven't heard Lucas in 26 days. The last time he came, he kissed my cheek (I couldn't feel it, but I know he did) and whispered: "I'm so sorry, Max. I really thought you were still in there. I loved you with all of my being.

  What do you mean 'thought'?? What do you mean 'loved'?? You don't mean that! You can't be giving up now! I'm still here! I cried with all my heart, but nothing but a whisper escaped into the dark nothingness.

  Please Lucas, you're all I've got left! Don't leave, please don't leave me! I willed any of my limbs to move—even the slightest twitch—to prove to Lucas that I wasn't dead, that I was still here for him to love.

  That doesn't feel like 26 days ago. But it was.

  When you're trapped in your own mind, you have a lot of time to think, reflect, and feel. And I have thought a lot about my life. Moving away from California. Billy and Neil's abuse. Billy dying. Neil leaving mom. My getting sentenced to this fate worse than death.

  And there's always one common factor. Me. I'm always at the center of all of the shit.

  At first I thought that I was cursed. But no. I'm not cursed.

  I am the curse.

a/n: bro i was so sad today so i wrote this 😭 so i just found out in the last couple days that i have anemia, Von Willebrand disease, dangerously low iron (like REALLY BAD) that Im going on 2 new medications in the next few weeks, and in early July am getting an IUD for my ridiculously bad period cramps so it was a lot
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